Saturday Post...On Sunday Morning. Affects and Effects of a Friendship

There are several things I'd like to cover in this post, so it will be more of a "small book" than a post. Just bear with me! There's a point to it all. OK? You've been reading along with us thus far, so don't quit on me when I get a little long winded! It's really not all THAT long! HA! It's just that skinny parameter that Blogger confines me to!
First of all, Kelly and I had a "pretty good" visit with Frieda today.
When we arrived, it was very hot in the room, so the first item of business was to try to get things cooled off. Frieda is totally "hot natured" anyway, so I could tell she was uncomfortable.
You see, Frieda has a "roomie." She's an elderly lady of Greek decent who is quite something. I've talked to her a lot and I've already picked up on an interesting dynamic in the room. "Lena," I'll call her to protect her identity, appears to be in her 80's and she's a character. She's very cold natured, as a lot of very elderly folks are. She changes clothes a lot, she will look around like a child and find something to get into. Today, for example, she was looking for action, so she proceeded to take her perfectly made bed and tear all the blankets and sheets off...then demanded that a nurse come and do her job! I'm sorry. I had to laugh. I offered to make it back for her, but she would have no part of that. She said it was "their job." It's a good thing Lena is there or I'm sure they would have NOTHING else to do! I took it all in stride when she started pacing back and forth in and out of the room. I asked her if she was running laps and she laughed at me. After about, let's say, two hundred laps back and forth from her side of the room to the door, I asked her if she was in training for something and she said she was busy. I'm sure she was. In the midst of all of this, Kelly went to get a nurse to come and explain the "rules" of the air conditioning to us. Since it's on "Lena's" side of the room, you don't quite know what to do. The nurse came in and turned on the air conditioner and told "Lena" that she'd have to put on a sweater if she got cold. At that time, Lena was dressed in street clothes. Upon hearing that, she stripped down and put her summer sear sucker pajamas on and proceeded to tell me that she was sure she was freezing to death. I helped her get her sweater on and suggested that she run a few more laps and that would warm her up quickly. During all of this, Frieda was looking around and I'm thinking she wanted to boot "Lena" out of the room. She wasn't pleased with the traffic, but I think it will be okay in time. It's a matter of "Lena" getting used to having company. As it turns out, one of Frieda's afternoon nurses knew us! She had become a buddy of my parents, Wayne, Frieda and me at the Lighthouse Restaurant that used to be in Washington! She had many discussions with my mom on the book "A Purpose Driven Life" as she was covering it in her Bible study. Is it a small world or what? She even remembered how much Wayne and Frieda liked to eat soft shell crab there! The nurse got "Lena" squared away while Kelly and I worked on Frieda's hands and feet. She felt much better when things cooled off in the room. Frieda was kind of tired today, so we didn't do the "full workout" that we've been doing. She had mail, so I read her cards to her. She had a card from Bill and Dee Sage, Gary (gosh I hope I spell your name right!!) Mastrodonato and from my parents. I put the cards on the board after reading them to Frieda...and then we talked. Frieda realizes that she's out of the hospital and I'm confident that she knows she's in a facility. She's not pleased about that, which is absolutely to be expected. That said, we made our agreement to keep working hard and that this is a step toward home. I did get a good leg shake when I asked if we were still in agreement that we will work hard together to get her better. Frieda gave a hearty shake for me then. The nurses practiced asking questions and gauging Frieda's responses based on eye blinks and leg shakes. They are so happy to know that they can get direct answers when they need them. As I said, we mostly visited today and that was a good thing. When we left, Frieda was sleeping soundly and resting comfortably and we left "Lena" pondering what mischief she could concoct next! Hee! Hee! Hee!
I've thought a lot this evening about the information that comes in the cards, emails and blog comments that I receive about Frieda. First of all, Gary, thank you for your kind words. I will look forward to meeting you at some point. Oriental just isn't that big! Thanks Bill and Dee for your continued thoughts and prayers...and also "Meemaw and Peepaw"...thank you for all you do too.
I have had SO many wonderful sentiments. Some folks share stories about Frieda combined with the realization of "stark reality." That is what I gathered from a comment left here on the blog by "David." Thank you for sharing your thoughts David. Frieda loves auctions, yard sales, flea markets...you name it! If there's a bargain to be found (whether she actually needs that bargain or not!), she'll buy it! That comment made me smile.
Other folks have written to say things to me that are so supportive and encouraging. I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, there is NOTHING extraordinary about anything I'm involved in concerning Frieda. She is my dear and precious friend. I have maintained all along that she would be doing the EXACT same thing for me. I know that as well as anything I have ever known. I have realized, however, that even the closest of relationships are tested in times like these. "Time" is a huge factor. We'd all love to do more with and for our friends. But, there are times like these when everything else has to be set aside to take care of that person we love and care about. Frieda and I LISTEN to each other. That was the nature of our friendship from the start. There are many things I wish I had listened to more closely, for example, Frieda's advice to us since moving here. I know Wayne and I could have saved a lot of steps, heartache and disappointments by following her wisdom and her "years of experience" here. She knows the ropes and the "in's and out's" of living in this area. I think that is what I'm missing most right now...being able to run things by her and know her opinions. Tonight, Wayne and I were sitting on our porch, catching up. Wayne commented that he'd give anything to hear Frieda coming up our stairs, already talking away, saying "HEY GEORDIE! HEY IZZY! HEY TRIPOD"...and naming through most of the menagerie out here. We miss Frieda's "presence." No matter what might be going on, Frieda's presence just made things "easier" and "better."
I have gotten comments from folks who have said they read these blog postings and they have made them reconsider their own relationships with their friends, families and loved ones in life. If that is the case, I am so honored to be a part of your journey.
I truly am.
It still stuns me how "life" as we know it can change on a dime and there's no turning back. Why does the nature of a relationship with someone we care about need to change based on "events?" It doesn't. Love doesn't stop just because a dynamic changes. If anything, it should become deeper and more rich.
If there is any lesson to be learned from this, perhaps we all should take closer examinations of what MEANS something to us. Money doesn't bring happiness. "Status" isn't real. Social hierarchy means nothing when no one shows up to help you when you're down. You might have a full living room at your open house or your latest cocktail party, but truly, how many of those folks will fill up your living room if you suddenly lose everything you have materially? I am sorry to say, many people would be shocked. Deep bonds of friendship are so rare anymore. People are too busy. People "can't deal with it." As a society, it is sickening to see just how detached we have become when it comes to the "stuff we'd rather not deal with."
It KILLS me inside to see Frieda going through this. Don't be one bit mistaken about that. It KILLS my soul. Sometimes, I get angry. I think WHY FRIEDA? Why not mean people who only seek to harm others? (How honest is that?) I do believe that GOD intends to divinely guide the destiny for each of us. Yet, He also gives us free will. That said, I think we make our own choices that determine how we turn out as people. Are people "born" good or bad? I believe we are all born pure and in God's favor. It's the choices we make as we grow that determine whether we turn out with "good hearts" or a propensity to serve "self." Anyone who knows Frieda knows she gave FULLY of herself. She made herself available to SO many people, places, organizations and services. I used to get after her for spreading herself so thin. But, she took it all in stride and kept doing what SHE wanted. Now that Frieda has had two strokes, I'm doing what I choose to do...and that is to be there every step of the way with my friend. I know that had the strokes not occurred, Frieda would most likely just be leaving my house right now and I'd be fussing at her for doing too much.
There are lots of things I would have done differently. I would have said more "I love you's" to Frieda prior her strokes. I would have reminded her, though I did it often, just what a wonderful friend she is to me. I would have insisted that she rest more. But, all that is just me looking backward. FRIEDA did what FRIEDA wanted. There was no middle ground. Isn't that what we ALL love about Frieda? For the most part, you had a good idea of where you stood with her.
Here are a few things I can pass along from my experiences so far:
Right your wrongs, especially when you have harmed others. Call your mother. Don't put off getting in touch with those you have been too busy to contact lately. Make it a point to hug, say I love you and tell those you love how you feel. SLOW DOWN! Don't be fearful, but do realize that life is finite. You get one turn in the barrel, so try to get it right. If you slip up, don't let pride stop you from making things right. I'm not being preachy or philosophical. I am "living" this. I would give anything to have heard Frieda walking up my stairs announcing her own arrival tonight. but for now, I'll be her legs for as long as it takes.
I've had folks ask me if I "planned to write a song about this." The answer is simply, "No." If one comes of it, it won't be of me. It will write itself and I will proudly be the conduit. How on earth could one song contain the depth and breadth of a friendship that runs as deep as the one between Anne Haley and Frieda Hudson? I just can't see that from here quite yet. Perhaps in time, but right now, I'm busy! REALLY busy and (pun intended) actions speak louder than words. My song is my time with Frieda right now. We're living it.
Just do us a favor, will you? LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
Love with all your might so when things change up on you, you'll be ready to handle whatever lies ahead. And don't think you're immune. That would be a mistake.
I wish you all peace and blessings. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for acknowledging "a friendship." Now, go honor those acknowledgements by being the best family member and friend that you can be.
Frieda and I would love to know that somehow our craziness inspired any good thing in anyone, healed a broken relationship or encouraged someone to reconnect with those they care about. Think Nike...."just do it."
-Annie

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