I want to dedicate this post and the accompanying video to my friend Frieda Hudson, who I am not allowed to see or visit any longer because (with permission) I carried her on an outing to Walmart and Blockbuster after many months of being confined to a nursing facility.
She had been given permission to go out in January, but no attempts were made to take her anywhere. Frieda has been punished from seeing her friends. I can go freely in my life, although not a day goes by that I don't wish to see her. She spends much of her time alone. However, she is working hard so that she can regain control of her own life.
You can link to the story at the end of this post. It touched me profoundly. I saw many "greater" messages especially in the fact that I have always believed that animals DO remember what we say to them, how we treat them and they do know "LOVE." It both sickens and saddens me that a mere animal, and a wild one at that, showed true love and gratitude, yet a human being that so many in Pamlico County "care about" is in a very sad situation. People are hesitant to stand by her position in HER life because of politics and "saving face." Keeping up appearances at the cost of human dignity is despicable. Only by luck or by the grace of God, we could find ourselves in the same situation. Would you want people playing politics with YOUR life? I think not.
I did everything I could possibly do to stick by Frieda's side after her strokes. I was made fun by the very ones I helped as a result of my commitment. My husband and I were eventually called 'weird' for our commitment. (This was something my family and I had never witnessed before. Usually help of any kind is appreciated). I thought ALL good people stuck by their friends. We included in our care Frieda's family, especially in a time of need. I learned that it sure doesn't always work that way. People who are NOT experts deemed her incompetent, then refused, and disallowed FRIEDA'S requests to have her competency restored. How and why would a family NOT want competency restored? On April 2, I stood up for my friend, as she would have for me. They fought it. What is the motivation to keep her incompetent?
According to the Scripture, Jesus said this TWICE, in two variations, so He meant it and the emphasis showed it was important enough to say twice.
"Matthew 25:40
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Matthew 25:45
Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.
Don't worry Frieda, like Christian the lion, I will NEVER forget you. I don't care how long our friendship is kept apart by unfeeling people, nothing will diminish the friendship that you, Wayne and I share. The ones who keeping us apart could only hope to have a friendship that was as fun, trusting and loving as ours is. It has been a painful 4 months of stupidity and selfishness that has kept you from those YOU wish to see. Seems people aren't considering what YOU want in this. Has anyone bothered to ask? I doubt it. Proving a moot point is more important than for you to see your best friends, just as you always had. Everyone has offered excuses as to why they don't visit and as much as I want to, I can't visit. Go figure. Par for the course. Excuses run rampant but they are meaningless and only show how little Frieda Hudson's wishes are truly cared about. As you go on with your own lives, remember, it could be you in the same circumstance. To date, I have kept my mouth shut, looking for the positive and keeping my feelings silent. I chose not to "rage against the machine." But, today, I realized I MUST speak up or it could be perceived that I have given up. I will NEVER give up. Frieda hasn't, nor will I. I am not afraid of any of this nonsense.
Frieda, you will see these posts one day. I thank God every day for the wonderful part of my life you ARE, even though we are kept apart. One day, we can resume OUR friendship and things can get back to the way they were. I think it's so sad that you are being punished for having ONE normal day. I wonder if all the folks involved in this get see their "friends." It takes a friend to "BE" a friend. When folks are so self-absorbed and "ME" oriented, they cannot consider what YOUR needs are Frieda.
But, we're tough. We'll play the silly game. I have no airs to put on, I have no vendetta. I know GOD knows all of this. That is all I need to know.
I will be writing about Frieda's year long battle of survival. I will discuss how she has been cut off from her best friends for absolutely NO reason whatsoever.
Lots of armchair commentators of late, who were not around then (and aren't now) have offered their "supreme" wisdom on the subject, but they weren't there. I feel strongly that even today, Frieda's best interests are not being considered.
My opinion is protected and the constitution of the United States offers me the ability to speak FREELY without repercussions. This is MY blog. I will say what I want at any time I choose.
FIGHT LIKE A LION Frieda Hudson! REMEMBER EVERYTHING. KNOW JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE LOVE YOU AND WE WANT "OUR FRIEDA" BACK! Not the one being presented of late. You deserve so much more than "existing." You have inspired SO many people who have grown to know and admire you as a result of your fight and your strong will.
When others gave up hope, you proved those notions to be totally wrong! One year later, you're still fighting hard...being a hero to many.
We'll be waiting for you when YOU make your own statements to take your life back. We have EVERY confidence that you will...and we'll be there to support you. We are NOT afraid to take a position on this and stand by what YOU VOICED that YOU WANTED. We are not fence riders who hang out with the status quo. We will be here for you, no matter what. A promise is a promise. I can say I have kept mine, as much as the law would allow me to. To quote a song that I love, "Farther along, we'll know all about it. Farther along, we'll understand why. Cheer up my sister...live in the sunshine. We'll understand it all, by and by." Hang TOUGH Frieda. Your day is coming and your life WILL return to YOU!
A year in retrospect brings so much clarity. The whole story needs to be told and perhaps now is the time to do it...we'll see. I will continue to think on things proceed when I wish to share. I will continue to pray for answers and make my own statements as I see fit. My primary concern is the dignity of Frieda Hudson and her rights as a human being.
Do not mistake this post to be "pleading my case." There is none to plead. Things are 'as they are' for now. When you stand on the truth, there is nothing to fear. I miss my friend. THAT is the truth. I have elected to maintain my own integrity, regardless of the lack of it around me. Today, however, I miss Frieda badly and KNOW she misses me BADLY. That angers me, hurts me and most of all, it hurts Frieda. It's time to make a public statement that contains the truth. In fact, do go visit Frieda. (She'd love the company) Mention my name, then have the courage to state publicly FRIEDA'S REACTION and how FRIEDA FEELS. Ask her if she wants to see Anne and Wayne and have the courage to give a truthful accounting of her reaction. Frieda's feelings are worth investigating. Showing dignity would restore Frieda "her voice."
Till next time,
Annie...and the MANY friends who miss Frieda and support her inside AND outside Pamlico county.

Have a hanky ready. You're going to need it.

FRIEDA HUDSON QUOTE TO ANNE HALEY: "LOVE IS ALL." I treasure this note and live by it, knowing it will all be behind us in God's way and In God's time.

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I do.
Today was one more great big giant step in the healing of Frieda Hudson.
First and foremost, I want to say THANK YOU on Frieda's behalf for those who have prayed for her, believed in her and most importantly believed without fail that she WOULD get better.
Today was a HUGE day. We went together as friends for an afternoon OUT. I've spent hours now trying to find words to express the hundreds of feelings that I am experiencing after today's outing. I cannot even try to imagine what it was like for Frieda.
We have waited for a long while to take Frieda someplace...any place that was outside in fresh air, sunshine, cars, buildings...LIFE. We wanted so badly to get her out into the world again and out of the facility. I am SO happy that today was the day that happened for Frieda and in fact for ALL of us. We were out as FRIENDS...just like we used to be. We have all waited so long for this day.
So, today we decided was "it." Wayne and Buddy had made a ramp and we took Buddy's van up to Washington. JUST IN CASE the headroom wasn't working in our favor, we carried a measuring tape. We had agreed not to "say" anything until we were sure the chair would work. Well, that was dumb on our part, because as soon as Buddy took out the tape, Frieda knew exactly what he was doing, what was going on and she was ready to roll. She even indicated that if the power chair was too tall...too "ANYTHING," that she could use a regular wheel chair! What a riot that was! She was DETERMINED that she was OUTTA THERE and that was that.
So, we got into the van with absolutely no problems whatsoever. What was precious was a family standing outside the door. There were about 15 people out there and they were on the sidewalk. When we came out, I said excuse us and that we were excited, as this was our first outing. The folks got on each side of the walk and as Frieda and I passed by them, they began to CLAP and shout AMEN!!! We were just overwhelmed...but in typical FRIEDA FASHION, she began to "parade wave" as we went through the group of people! I followed suit and said to Frieda, "I'll bet you never expected I'd have a parade arranged for you, did you?"
The folks laughed, we laughed and we were on our way to the van with soaring hearts!
As I said, there were no problems getting in the van. We road to Washington Park and around Washington. We went past Wal-Mart and Frieda made it CLEAR that she wanted to stop. So, we did. She wanted to go straight to electronics and dvds and such. We parked where the curb was high at the garden center and while the guys parked, we headed inside. She was moving through the place like a pro. It was incredible. After snooping at all kinds of stuff, we made our way to the electronics department, where we had told Wayne and Buddy to meet us. We went through EVERY dvd in in the place I think..even all the cheapy ones. Frieda picked out several dvd's and soon we were on our way snooping our way back out of Wal-Mart. Next, she wanted to go to Blockbuster. So, there we went. We looked over all the twofers, the fourfers and all points in between. She picked out a few more dvd's and the next thing you know, she wanted to go outside. She sat there in the sunshine, just letting it warm her, hit her face and she took good deep breaths. I had asked her what the fresh air was like for her and she was LOVING IT! We had carried blankets, etc to make sure Frieda was warm. After all, it has been nearly 8 months since she had been exposed to the outdoors to amount to anything. I had carried her into the courtyard on warmer days back in the fall, but of late, it had been too cold. Frieda is hot natured, so she was fine. She even rolled her eyes at me when I asked her for about the hundredth time "if she was warm enough."
After a while, we headed back to the facility. It was a great day. She wasn't exactly ready to go back, but because it was her first outing since learning a while back that she could leave, we didn't want to over do anything. We assured her that we'd do it again on a regular basis and we got an "OK" sign and a thumb's up with that. She said words for us today. That is still SO wonderful to hear Frieda using her voice!!! I've never been so thrilled to hear "ANNE." She wrote sentences and we "talked" about some things in that way. Frieda reads, writes pretty much what she wants and so communication is getting easier and easier. It never really felt "hard" to me. You just had to pay attention and focus on FRIEDA. She's always let you know what she wanted...it just took a bit more effort a few months ago.
I am SO proud of the FIGHT that Frieda Hudson has in her. I have never doubted for a second that she would do everything in her power to improve to the best of her ability. Frieda has had people who have prayed non-stop for her, believed in her and asked God to restore her to His will and His plan for her. We cannot say just how far Frieda will go with all of this. All I know is that she improves DAILY and from my vantage point, there is no stopping her.
I want you all to know that you were with Wayne, Buddy and me in our hearts as we made this incredible journey today.
We take short rides, short runs to Wal-Mart, Blockbuster, etc. for granted. I saw what those simple outings meant to my precious friend today and as I said earlier, I am so emotional, I'm still more or less at a loss for words.
Words are not necessary, as Frieda has shown us over and over again. Commitment, love, support BELIEF and PRAYER, however are what keep us moving forward each and every day.
We love you SO much Frieda. We are so happy to have shared such a NORMAL day with you. I look so forward to many, many more days just like today and even BETTER!!!
This is very emotional so, that's about it for this post. I just knew I owed it to the faithful readers and those of you who have consistently prayed, loved and believed in Frieda's recovery to know that she had a TREMENDOUS step forward today.
God bless you all. We love you and FRIEDA loves you for sticking with her. You can bank on that!
Till next time,
Annie

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(Two of my favorite people in one of my favorite pictures.)
I haven't posted for a while about Frieda, so I felt it was time to give an update for those who check periodically. She's still going strong and gets more amazing with each day that passes. God must be smiling like nobody's business! I know I do!
The past several visits with Frieda have been so wonderful. She's doing such great things. It troubles me when I hear the rumor mill grinding away with all sorts of adjectives that simply are not true. Of course, Frieda...and consequently Wayne and I have dealt with that for quite some time now. Oddly enough, with Frieda being THE backbone of the Pamlico News, "bad news" is all that seems to travel. No one wants to hear good news. But everyone's favorite news hound is doing exactly what I expected her to. She's busting butt and taking no prisoners! GO FRIEDA!
Frieda is doing amazing things and she is so very proud of herself. She is able to drive herself in the facility with the aid of an electric wheelchair. She's a sight to behold wheeling up and down the hallway. She has been reading and spelling for some time now, so she can spell out most anything she'd like to "say" to you. For example, we call my dad "Grog" and call him a caveman when teasing him. When he walked into her room Thursday evening, Frieda started to grin this evil grin and spelled out GROG and laughed right out loud. I asked her to spell my mom's name. Frieda looked at my mom and smiled...she wanted to spell what SHE felt about my mother. "Sweetness" was the result. I can't tell you what she spelled for me. Just take my word for it, the whole room was in stitches. The speech therapist has a great sense of humor and believes fully that laughter is indeed good medicine. He says Frieda relaxes and gets a lot done when we're having a lot of fun. So, as always we do laugh a lot when visiting. The visits this week were long, we worked hard on spelling and communication skills and being close.
Frieda gets emotional when she remembers "what it's like on the outside." That in itself is very motivating for her.
I am so proud of her and want to thank everyone who has continued to check in on my blog and believe that Frieda could get better. She has.
Each day gets better and better...and I LOVE IT! We are still "THUMBS UP" all the way! Even back at Pitt Hospital, Frieda gave me a "THUMBS UP" when I asked her if we were going to stick this out together. Today, it is just as strong a commitment as it was back in the summer. People give up hope so quickly. Underestimating Frieda is a crazy thing to do! But, on the other hand, it gives her strength just to prove the naysayers wrong. Typical of Frieda, right? Something else I love about her.
I watched with sadness as the news told of a situation where a young girl is being called "brain dead," "a vegetable" and many of the horrible adjectives that I have heard used along side Frieda's name. It boiled my blood then and it does now. I watched as a father is begging and pleading with a mother to let the daughter live. The girl doesn't speak and is on a feeding tube. Guess what? SO IS FRIEDA! But is she any of the horrible adjectives that people who are either ignorant or unfeeling or both use? NO! The name Terry Schiavo comes to mind. There are those who would argue that abortion is "murder." I think taking a life of any kind is boils down to murder. As humans, we do not have the right to "euthanize." We do not have the right to "play God" and determine what is "life" for another human being period. That is God's job. How can he fulfill HIs Divine Plan for us if we are busy trying to do His job for Him? Notions such as that are just outrageous to me. It's hard to even consider it for animals within my personality. But, that's me.
The world at large has a skewed vision of what human life is. "Quality" of life comes into question and people try to make decisions that are not theirs to make.
I thank GOD every single day for Frieda Hudson and for her SPIRIT and her sheer will to LIVE! She and I have plans and as I have said all along, we don't go down easily. We just keep working hard. I don't blog every day about Frieda because I got tired of the backlash. Folks who haven't even visited with Frieda or really don't know her at all at a personal level were offering opinions that I didn't ask for, so I removed myself from the drama. My friendship with Frieda Hudson doesn't contain all that drama and gossip. So, we have continued to do what we do best. WORK HARD, LAUGH A LOT and WORK TOWARD THE ONE GOAL OF GETTING FRIEDA BETTER!
I am so thankful she didn't give up. There was every opportunity to do so, but those of us who know Frieda fundamentally know that giving up is simply not a part of her personality. That is what I love most about her. She's still cracking jokes at me just as hard as she can, laughing at me and in the next minute, we're holding hands tightly, along with Wayne assuring each other that we're just going to keep fighting hard and moving ahead.
There are few friendships in life that sustain hardship, serious illness, issues and many of the things that Frieda and I have witnessed. She is my hero. You give me such strength and such confidence, Frieda, when my own life seems so hard at times. I can simply think of you and things look so much better.
Frieda, one day when you read through all these blogs, I want you to know that YOU have touched SO many lives that come from ALL over this country! People have read this blog, prayed for you, loved you and have cheered you on every day! Frieda, our friends who live in other parts of the country are cheering, praying and celebrating each and every little thing you do! We have every expectation for you to be right back in the middle of our "crowd" in no time flat! From Colorado, to California, to New York, Washington, DC, Wisconsin, Ohio...just pick a state! All our music friends, friends that have come on board since reading about this crazy word called "stroke" and blog readers in general have offered such support and love. It truly is amazing!
So, even in illness, there is such goodness and God NEVER leaves us. Faith grows each and every day in so many ways. I've said all along that God still has big plans for Frieda Hudson. Who knows what she'll be doing next? I can't wait to find out! God willing, I'll be right beside her watching it all unfold.
Just keep praying....and don't forget to give thanks for those prayers that clearly have been answered.

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My posts since the first of the year have been geared toward gratitude, simplicity and leading a more productive life. This year, my close friends Martha and Gene Myers along with their sons Jason and Eric AND Grammies on both sides dedicated their Advent/Christmas season to Frieda Hudson. As anyone who reads my blog knows, Frieda, a dear and wonderful friend to MANY beyond the reaches of Pamlico County, suffered two debilitating strokes in July and September of 2007. Martha and Gene have been instrumental since the first stroke in giving support, love and advice on ways and means to enable Frieda to improve. Martha specializes in (my words) bringing out the absolute best in adults and children with severe and profound limitations. Some of these limitations are due to accident or injury, some are birth-related, some are from disease. Martha is one of the most inspirational, motivating people I know.
This is a family of "do-ers." They do not sit around and "speculate" on what they can accomplish. They set out on a project and it is as good as done. So, it really came as no surprise to me when Martha said they were going to do something special as a family this past Christmas. I had no idea just how special it would be! Eric, the younger son, is already at home waiting to leave for his service in the Peace Corps. He will be leaving for Uganda in February. Martha's mom from Pennsylvania and Gene's mom from Ohio had come down to Brunswick County early in the month, so they were there to start filling stockings with the beginning of Advent. Jason, the oldest lives in Seattle and he came home to join the fun during his Christmas vacation.
Each day, someone filled one of the stockings with something useful, something funny, or something that would encourage Frieda's skills. Each day, much love and many prayers from the Myers family went into GIVING...not RECEIVING. Yet, look at what they received as a family in reaching out to someone whose entire life has been changed by catastrophic illness.
On New Year's Day, Wayne and I met Martha and Gene at the facility. Armed with ALL the stockings and hearts full of love, we gathered with Frieda. When we first arrived, she had been sitting upright on a mat for about a half hour. Then, she was in a wheel chair, sitting just fine unassisted with a TENS unit for a while. (These are electrodes used to stimulate muscles and nerves.) After that, we went back to Frieda's room. Still sitting in the wheel chair, Frieda opened one stocking at a time. She was grinning from ear to ear with all her "haul!" The Myers family even made sure the STOCKINGS were gifts as well! They were all great feeling socks, funny socks, nice thick socks...you name it...Frieda now has a pair of socks for it!
I'm still in awe that so many folks have no idea just how much Frieda is improving. Though she cannot "speak" with words, she is spelling, reading and able to communicate much better than you would think. She can still cut you in half with those eyes! Frieda spelled some things for Martha and Gene and we had some very good laughs. Frieda loves it when she can get a good "crack" in on me when we're there.
Also, another dear friend of Frieda's from New Jersey (Joyce Allen) sent $50 to purchase "whatever Frieda wants." I told Frieda about it and she just shook her head. She couldn't believe it. I named over several items and she kept shaking her head "no." Long story short...I made my way to the sentence, "HEY! Do you want me to get as much as I can on the 4 for $20 sale at Blockbuster?" WOW! A resounding YES was evident...so, that's what I did. Frieda loves movies. That is probably the thing I miss most are our weekends together watching MOVIES! We used to say we needed to start a 12 step program for folks who buy too many DVDS and then we'd laugh like crazy. So, the movies are a hit.
Brenda Campbell of Kure Beach, NC and Joyce Allen also made Christmas ornaments, Joyce did original paintings for Frieda and other demonstrations of love and support for her.
The folks around Oriental and Pamlico County have NO idea just how many people outside this area have prayed for Frieda, supported her, loved her and cheered her on to wellness...and continue to even to this day! Actions, words, prayers...all those things go on each and every day FOR FRIEDA. It is truly amazing.
I thought those of you who read my blog when I write about Frieda should know how much bigger than "Pamlico county" this love and healing have been. There are so many caring people out there who continue to love and pray. They don't give up just because so much time has passed. Severe strokes take time to heal. Life for Frieda is not exactly like it was before...but FRIEDA IS STILL HERE! Frieda has taught me more about courage
and strength through her experiences than I can find the words to express. No matter what anyone has said regarding her condition, when she will improve or how much...Frieda keeps pressing forward...even when it's hard...even when it's not fun. She knows that it's going to require considerable hard work on her part from here on out and when you watch Frieda, it is so inspiring. You know right away she's up to the task. She knows ALL the people who love her, pray for her daily and who are cheering her on in her fight to recover. For me, it's an amazing thing to watch. In situations like this, when everyone is operating from a place of SELFLESSNESS, everyone wins! SELF-LESS-NESS---a big word to spell out...even harder to achieve.
Thanks also to Donna Mooneyham, Renee Schram and all of the folks down in the Brunswick country area who have offered prayer, love, incredible advice and loads of information and items to HELP Frieda improve. I can't tell you how much it means to Wayne and me...and on behalf of Frieda, I can assure you, she is both grateful and totally stunned that there are so many people who truly want to see her get well.
God bless each and every one of you. You are all such an inspiration. I appreciate all the support and information you have given ME as well on this journey to stick closely by my friend on her fight to wellness. We will all high-5 each other and give a great big FRIEDA THUMBS UP one of these days when she makes a spectacle of the doctors who gave up on her too soon!
I look TOTALLY forward to that day too! RIGHT FRIEDA??? Keep getting better my friend! You're my hero!
Martha, Gene, Brenda, Joyce, Donna and to ALL the others who have sent prayer, inspiration, emails, cards, pictures...please know your FAITH in Frieda is carrying her as well. There is no tangible item that could ever mean more than FAITH that a person can overcome adversity. I'm watching that happen right before my very eyes.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.
Love to each of you from Annie, Wayne and Frieda.

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Whew. It's Sunday night and I'm whooped. Let's see...last post...the night BEFORE Thanksgiving! Tonight, it's kaput. Fini. Over. Done. (Like some turkeys, perhaps?) Whew, I say again.
The TV gabs on and on about how much weight we are all going to gain over this ONE WEEKEND, heck, they even narrowed it down to one day. Well, for what it's worth, I ATE. I ate MEAT. I ate veggies, I ate snacks, I ate shrimp cocktail, I ate all kinds of wonderful stuff. And I'm not ashamed!
I ate pumpkin AND pecan pie. Half slices of each, so wasn't that smart? I had one slice of pie total. As if I cared.
This Thanksgiving, I ate round two with full abandon too! I thought, what the heck! I've been on such a crazy regimen of late in terms of when I even eat. Many times (which I know, I know!) is not a good thing, I may only have dinner in the evenings. But, Thanksgiving was different. I had an agenda and as soon as I walked into my mom's house and put out the things we brought, we set about eating round one. We were waiting for my uncle to arrive, so phase one took place. It was lovely! Ham rolls, crab dips, shrimp cocktail...lots of fun things that would make a great meal to me. Then we went and spent a couple of hours with Frieda...then back to Mom's. My folks had a spread out and it was something else. We ate, once again, like piggies...and with full abandon.
After all was said and done, it was a sad state of affairs. I didn't even have the strength to do my normal complaining about the football game hogging the TV. I simply didn't care. I was definitely in the throws of a tryptophan coma (that I mentioned back when I was "waxing poetic" in my last post!). My cousin was asleep, Marah was talking non-stop to Wayne about school, her students, and getting him up to speed. My crazy uncle was busy being crazy. Marah was the target this year. He called her "Laura" incessantly for the entire afternoon and evening. It was hysterical. I laughed until big tears rolled down my cheeks as I listened to his relentless banter.
It was a perfect Thanksgiving. I was thankful for everything and everyone around me. I was thankful for our togetherness. Yes, I ate like a complete nut...but, had we had only PB&J sandwiches and milk, it was the TIME we were sharing that was important. Not the sweet potato casserole. Not the deviled eggs, not any of the totally delicious things we indulged in this past Thursday. It was the fact that we were together. We had made it another year. We were laughing, smiling and loving one another.
I pray that next year, things will be just as good as this year.
As an aside, Buddy, Kelly, Jakob, Wayne, Marah and I went to visit Frieda. It was very emotional, but it was WONDERFUL. Frieda is doing AMAZING THINGS!!! She knows what she has to do and SHE IS DOING IT! Don't be confused by all the rumors going around. I don't know why or how they're being so negative. Isn't getting someone BETTER the object when a friend or family member is as ill as Frieda has been? In my world, the object is to get BETTER...and guess what? FRIEDA IS DOING SO MANY THINGS ON HER OWN! Thanks be to God for giving her the strength and the courage to keep right on! I never even had to look at Frieda's leg to see if she was shaking it. Between head shakes of "yes" and "no," shoulder shrugging, hand squeezes and eye expressions, we needed no words. I know she was shaking her leg. But honestly, she was communicating so well with her face and body, I forgot to even look! We spent time outside getting fresh air. Frieda loved that. There were some tears. She had a lot of questions in her eyes and I answered them as best I could. She saw a Range Rover commercial on TV and knew exactly what it was...and that was emotional.
Later in the evening, after the big food fest, Wayne and I went back to see Frieda again. In order to keep things normal on Thanksgiving night, we went to watch a movie. Frieda was ready and she was SO happy. We watched a dvd that was there in her room. Things felt "normal." We were together, we were happy and we were watching a movie. She kept looking at me, then looking at Wayne and breaking into a big grin. Yep. It is all SO worth grinning about Frieda. And my God, it's so good to see you grin that great smile of yours again.
THAT, my friends, is "Thanksgiving."

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The above photo that you've seen in previous posts, I call "What Happens in Luray, Stays in Luray." In it, you see three friends. The fourth friend holds the camera. (HA!) I remember thinking how cool it was that we could just "be." Tonight, I am posting partly to the world and partly to myself as a means of cleansing and catharsis. Webster's defines catharsis as: "The emotional reenactment in thought or symbolic form of a painful experience that brings relief of the distress caused by the original experience." So, yes, this is definitely a "cathartic" post. Forgive me as I weave in and out of my thoughts.
What is FRIENDSHIP? Is it odd that Wayne, Frieda and I have such a thing? Is it odd that three people genuinely hold affection for one another and cherish it, no matter what? There is a huge difference in "friendships" and "acquaintances." I have known true friendship with Frieda Hudson...and have extended the same. My life has been and always will be so much the richer for it. Odd? Perhaps it is in this day and age of people who use, people who do not nurture, people who are "selfish" as opposed to "selfless." Wayne and I have been blessed and enriched by our friendship with Frieda Hudson. Thinking on that, here are some definitions I found on FRIENDSHIP. As I sit here in this late hour (I started writing at 11something and it's now 1:15am) on my porch, I have evaluated many things this evening. One certainty I do have is that I am blessed, so blessed to say that I have a true friend. Wayne is equally blessed to say the same. As he sleeps, many nights, I sit out here alone to think, pray and remember better times, times we shared right here laughing, being serious, just listening to the sounds of the night and drinking coffee. What I wouldn't give for one more night like that. It's the simplest of things that makes these days we pass "a life" instead of just "an existence."
Frieda, I thank you for all the many hours of joy, laughter, tears and friendship we were able to share, in better days. And now, as you fight, just know that in my heart, my friendship is as strong today as it ever was...and there is nothing odd about that. I have watched my husband cry more since July than I have ever seen him cry the entire time I've known him. He suffers the loss, the frustration and his own fears. He used crutches and a wheelchair night after night to be with his friend so she knew we would never forsake her. We set our own circumstances aside to attend to the needs of our friend. As tears roll down my own face and I try to see to type this, I know from a deep and profound place that we are better people for it. I never wanted you to be alone Frieda. I know you know that. To try to "heal" is beyond our realm of possibility. We have never tried to be "healers." That was not our job. At Craven Hospital on Saturday July 28, when Sarah Winfrey, Frieda's sister-in-law, was overcome, hurting and unable to form the words from her mouth that she felt in her heart to pray, I saw what was happening, knelt beside her and prayed both with and for her. I was only acquainted with Sarah, but I could see her fear and hurt. I knew Frieda would have done this for any member of my own family. I remember distinctly acknowledging GOD as "The Divine Healer" in that prayer. As I type this, that firm belief has not and will not change. GOD heals. Physicians and us mere humans are but instruments of His will and He expects us to demonstrate that we are willing to be His Instruments, nothing more. To make sure we were there to support, work with, attend to and cheer Frieda on was the commitment we made...and yes, strong Frieda, those were the same roles you actually assumed for us! You did them beautifully too Frieda. My family continues to honor and thank you even today for "being there for doctor trips, surgeries, vet emergencies, family illnesses and any other event that my family experienced that you were a part of. We love, cherish and were so honored by your commitment to us all. When my dad had brain surgery AND heart surgery, each within a couple of months, you were there. When I had surgery, you were there. When Lucy's (our beagle) liver failed, you were there. When I needed a photographer and you knew I hated being photographed, you were there. And Holidays? Birthdays? Celebrations? Oh how much brighter they have been with you right in the middle of our family, BEING family with us and loving us. When either of us needed ANYTHING, WE EACH WERE THERE FOR EACH OTHER, BY CHOICE. I know you know, Frieda, how much my entire family loves you, thanks you and loves you as a part of "our family." No blood. Just love. No conditions.
Here are a very few of the many wonderful "definitions" of friendship I found this evening. They were a huge source of comfort to me tonight and I will share them with Wayne tomorrow.

*A Definition of Friendship
Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away. Source: A Life for a Life,1859

*"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies". - Aristotle
Perhaps the one relation that has survived the trials and tribulations of time and has still remained unconditional is friendship. A unique blend of affection, loyalty, love, respect, trust and loads of fun is perhaps what describes the true meaning of friendship between two individuals. Similar interests, mutual respect and strong attachment with each other are what friends share between each other. These are just the general traits of a friendship. To experience what is friendship, one must have true friends, who are indeed rare treasure.
Different people have different definitions of friendship. For some, it is the trust in an individual that he / she won't hurt you. For others, it is unconditional love. There are some who feel that friendship is companionship. People form definitions based on the kind of experiences they have had. This is one relation that has been nurtured since times immemorial. There are famous stories about friends in mythologies of different religions all over the world. They say a person who has found a faithful friend has found a priceless treasure."

*A British newspaper once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. There were thousands of entries.
Here are a few:
"One who multiplies joys, divides grief and whose honesty is inviolable."
"One who understands our silence."
"A volume of sympathy bound in cloth."
"A watch that beats true for all time and never runs down."
The winning definition read:
"A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."

*A Friend...
(A) ccepts you as you are (B) elieves in you (C) alls you just to say HI (D) oesn't give up on you (E) nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts) (F) orgives your mistakes (G) ives unconditionally (H) elps you (I) nvites you over (J) ust likes to be with you (K) eeps you close at heart (L) oves you for who you are (M) akes a difference in your life (N) ever judges (O) ffers support (P) icks you up (Q) uiets your fears (R) aises your spirits (S) ays nice things about you (T) ells you the truth when you need to hear it (U) nderstands you (V) alues you (W) alks beside you (X) plains things you don't understand (Y) ells when you won't listen and... (Z) aps you back to reality.

And finally a poem I found...it might be elementary in terms of any literary critic, but its simplicity touched me, so I will share it with you.
A TRUE FRIEND
© Ashley Montgomery
"A true friend never walks away
A true will always stay
A true friend looks out for you
A true friend will guard your secrets
Like a precious gift
A true friend is there for you
To give you a helpful lift
A true friend tries to make you smile
Tries to replace that frown
They may not always succeed
But they rarely let you down
These arms for you are open
This heart for you does care
And when I think you need me
I'll try to always be there
I'll listen to your fears
I promise not to laugh
Comfort your falling tears
I'll make this friendship last
I'll keep you near to my heart
I'll always hold you dear
Even when we're miles apart
Even when you're here
I hope I am to you
Everything you are to me
For the friendship we have
Is a special one indeed."

Wayne and I are and will remain "friends" in the truest sense of the word to Frieda...and she has been exactly that to us. Unfounded, yet imposed circumstances may change things, but our hearts will never change as a result of those things we did not choose.
May I please be so bold as to ask you to evaluate your own lives, your own relationships and your own friendships? Please don't take them for granted. You never know when circumstances may change and your friendships "aren't yours" anymore. Life changes so quickly...dynamics come into play that you didn't negotiate and things are never the same.
Is our friendship "odd?" Oh no. Certainly not by the many definitions I have read of "friendship" tonight. Not one bit.
We should all be so lucky as to have one friend in our lives that is TRULY a friend. I miss mine profoundly. I will close with a simple prayer for our dear and precious Frieda, for Wayne and for me.
God, I ask You to bless and keep Frieda safely in Your arms as you give her the comfort and peace she so desires. Never let her forget just how much she has to offer this world. Please show her your infinite wisdom and give her the strength to keep fighting, no matter what humans say the odds are. Give us all, Our Father, the faith to believe that YOUR WILL will be done. Give us the strength to find peace and understanding of Your will, as it unfolds before us. Frieda Hudson is such a blessing to so many. We thank you for Frieda's presence in our lives and in our hearts. Father God, I also ask for Your comfort, love, and peace for Wayne and for me. I offer this prayer in Jesus' name, Amen.








Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34)

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(Frieda and Wayne on Mrs. Nancy's porch during the Croaker Festival. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH FRIEDA! WE'RE RIGHT BESIDE YOU!)
First of all, I cannot thank you enough for all the calls and emails of support to Frieda Hudson. She is simply going to be amazed...and humbled. Frieda is not one of those "in your face" kind of people. She does what she does in quiet, simple ways and believe me, she does a lot. Since Friday evening, my life has been a blur of uncertainty. It has been a feeling of "numb."
I have watched Frieda's family move from one emotion to another, wait, ask questions, wait, ask questions, etc. It is a relentless cycle of the unknown. It is exhausting....the whole process is exhausting.
Frieda continues to battle. As I said, she's a fighter and we know she's fighting as hard as she can to come out of this. Today, we are under the impression that she will be moved to Pitt Memorial in Greenville. There are doctors there who are more involved with the type of stroke Frieda has had...and that is what she wants. She has told me on many occasions that "if anything significant ever happens to me, I want to go to Pitt." Having conveyed that to the family, Frieda is on her way to Pitt at some point today by way of helicopter. She will like that. She doesn't like planes, but loves helicopter rides. Go figure! I am kind of digging "terra firma" myself these days.
I will continue to ask you to pray for Frieda, for her family, for the wisdom of her doctors and care team. I miss her so much. I came in last night and was washing dishes. It was pure impulse to "see if Frieda had called." Wayne even said, "On Saturday nights, Frieda's always sitting right there," pointing to "her chair" here.
We're lost puppies right now. We're helpless puppies right now and can rely only on what a medical community can do for her.
However, there is ONE Great Physician. Wayne and I have handed this to Him on Friday night and though we still worry, we can take comfort in knowing that God is in charge of what happens here. I do not believe Frieda's work here is finished. She has so much to offer and so much more to give to everyone she comes into contact with.
Please pray with me for Frieda, her family and all of those who are taking care of her medical concerns. I will keep you posted on how things are going and when she gets transported to Pitt Memorial.
Thank you all for being "our friends." We love each and every one of you and wish you peace, contentment and most of all good health.

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(Picture #1, we call "What Happens in Luray, STAYS in Luray." This was about as crazy as things got last February when Wayne, Frieda and I took a vacation to Luray, Virginia. This is how we operate...best friends, relaxed and all is right with the world. Dave Shirk asked that I post this picture, as it does truly represent "contentment." Thanks for the suggestion Dave. WE ARE WITH YOU FRIEDA! WE ARE RIGHT THERE!)
Last night around this time, I was writing the first blog I had composed in nine days.
Tonight, I am writing from a profoundly sad and heartbroken place. Once again, "life" is showing me that nothing stays the same. With each rising and setting of the sun, life as we know it will be different. Sometimes in only small ways, others are, as I said, profound.
My dear and precious friend Frieda Hudson lies in Craven Hospital as I type this, fighting for her life.
I suppose I am in a state of shock, because in this moment, I feel nothing. I can't cry, I can't feel anger, I can't feel anything except a deep and relentless sense of emptiness.
I was on the telephone with Frieda, as we are a lot of the time. We talk all the time about everything and nothing. She had called me to talk about the tarpon tournament this weekend, fishing in it with her brother Sandy, all the food her mom had made for them and how she was going to run into the grocery to buy some nabs. "You can't go fishing without some nabs," she said. So, when she got to the store, she said she'd run in and then call me right back. The next call I got was that she had collapsed just after entering the store.
Frieda has been a solid and intrinsic part of my life basically since the moment we were introduced by Dave Shirk at M&M's Cafe, (a local eatery that Dave and Marsha Shirk made a landmark in Oriental) a few years ago. She never complains about anything. She is one of those people who always has just the right thing to say or knows just what to do in any given situation. She lives, eats and breathes her newspaper, which is The Pamlico News...the weekly news source in our small county.
Frieda and I are like frick and frack. We're like peanut butter and jelly. We're like ice cream and chocolate sauce. We have been joined at the hip for a long time now.
When I've had something to celebrate, Frieda has celebrated louder than I could. When I have cried, she has offered her shoulders, her support and her love. Frieda Hudson is the most staunch, loyal and trusted friend I have ever had. There is nothing I would not do for her.
In learning the ropes about living in a new place, Frieda Hudson has been like a guardian angel, advising Wayne and me, directing us about situations that would not be in our best interest. She has been there to support us and love us with no conditions, no restraints and no boundaries.
I love Frieda Hudson. I love every single thing about her. I love her laugh, how she looks at life, I love her knowledge and I love the total ease in which our relationship revolves. I love her wickedly sharp wit, I love how we "feed" off of each other and all the craziness that ensues when we are on a "comical streak."
It's very seldom that she's not here. We cook, we watch movies, we eat, we talk and when Wayne falls asleep, she and I talk some more. Then when she's not here, Wayne and I take "coffee rides" and go sit on Frieda's "pizer" as she calls it, watching the world go by in Oriental.
Every morning, we have our "coffee talks" over the phone to begin our day. I'm a fan of her radio show. I'm a fan of her column and I am a fan of one of the most fantasic people I have ever been priviledged to know. And typically, Frieda is the last person I speak to each day. We generally have a "wrap up" and close by saying, "Well, talk to ya in the morning!"
Her family has embraced my family and we are all very close. "Mrs. Nancy," her mom, is G'ma to Wayne and me. She welcomes us into her home, her heart and offers us a sense of family. The entire family has embraced us as though we have always been there and there are no words to express how much that means to us. When nothing else in the world is right, Frieda and her family are ready and waiting with a willing hug, a smile and all the love you could ever wish for.
I pray for healing for my precious friend. I pray that God will hold her in His healing hands give her body the strength to fight and to heal.
Everyone who knows Frieda knows she is a fighter. She is staunchly independent and she doesn't give up. I admire all of those qualities so much.
I am asking you to pray, to send energy and to send love to Frieda Hudson in the coming days. She needs our help now. Her family needs prayer and Frieda needs all the energy that we can possibly send to her.
I don't understand how things can go so upside down in a few seconds time.
For all my friends who are Reiki pracitioners, I ask you from my heart to please SEND! SEND! SEND!
I was able to spend quite a bit of time with her in the Critical Care Unit and I was able to give Reiki hands on. She did respond. I will continue to send the remainder of the night and for as long it takes to get through this.
I do believe that prayer changes things and that our energy is to be shared. With those two components, bodies can and do heal. Miracles can and do happen every day and I believe that a miracle can and will happen for Frieda Hudson. I ask that you believe that too. Even though you may not know her, believe in her healing anyway.
I have written about her in my blog, she has been my photographer, she has done graphic work on my CD's and she has been the deepest confidant I have ever had.
I will spend this night praying without ceasing for her. I ask you to join me in prayer for her complete healing and restoration.
One of the closest people in the world to me has had a stroke. Life has dealt a severe blow to Frieda and her family. In my heart, with our help, she can overcome this. With our help, she can win this battle.
On the way home from the hospital, there was a sign posted at the volunteer fire department for our neighborhood. It read:
BE KIND TO OTHERS. EVERYONE IS FIGHTING THEIR OWN BATTLE.
We never know what others are going through and how they might be suffering. What happened to my friend today is a perfect example of that. I will not stop praying that Frieda can and will win this battle and I hope you, my friends, don't mind me asking for your help too.
I love you Frieda. Keep fighing. We're all right beside you.

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