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Monday, August 17, 2009- "Heather's To-Do" List-(AKA FARM SITTING FOR A DAY, BY HEATHER MAYS.)
Posted by Annie
on
2:46 AM
in
Fainting Goats,
farming,
good friends,
hard work,
hobby farms,
humor,
laughter,
Southern humor
(PHOTO CREDIT-FRIEDA HUDSON)
It's difficult for all the stars to align properly, for the world to turn on her axis in such a precise manner that I can leave the farm for a while, much less for an entire day.
Even when there is "nothing in particular going on," with farm animals all that can change in one second flat. I swear I think there's a ring leader in each herd that says to the other leader of the herds and equine, "PSSSSSS! Kinda quiet around here, 10 bucks says she's resting!" And then the games begin...
In fact, it is not at all uncommon for me to think I'd love to have a rest, lay myself quietly on something comfortable, write, read a book, listen to mediations, or any of the things I love to do quietly and just "be." It's good for me...I hear. But, typically the case is I think I'll seize an opportunity to do some of those things and take a scan around to make sure every animal is where it should be and generally, out I go to put up a goat, see a sea of cows standing at water troughs that I SWEAR I just filled an hour ago, turned over water buckets for the dogs...just STUFF. So I take care of "whatever" and put my rest time on hold. In the mean time, people show up, the phone rings and before you know it, it's time to start the next regimen of chores. So, the rest time becomes a distant memory.
One example was this past Sunday afternoon. I had received two boxed CD sets of mediations and meditational music from someone very close to me! A SURPRISE FROM THE FED EX MAN! YIPPPEEE!! I had made a pass-through listen, but hadn't had time to REALLY start work on these CD sets. Sunday was the day. I pulled the blinds, found my nice soft blanket and piled across my bed. I hit play and off to mediation land I was going...ahhhh....so relaxed....so quiet...and then out of the blue as if Chicken Little had run in to tell me this time the sky was REALLY falling, out of my reverie came a thunderous, "GET UP! GET OUT HERE! ALL THE GOATS ARE LOOSE AND THEY'RE IN THE GARDEN!" Shaken, not stirred (hee hee-I like that little James Bond pun---and I digress, but...) I jumped up, ran past the lovely man's voice who was speaking to me about breathing deeply from my belly, threw on some shoes (generally crocs because I can get into them fast!) and out the door I went. So much for (ahem) "meditating." I was then meditating on where those escape artists were lining up to walk out, and exactly how I was going to hurt them when I caught them. (JOKE! Don't send PETA after me! I don't need that racket showing up here.) Anyway...finally the goats were corralled, they uniformly walked back into the cattle gate, looking at each other as if to say, "WHAT? WHO? HUH?"
Back inside I came....and back to my meditations I went. I was determined to get that accomplished! And I did!
So fast forward, I had to be out of town on Monday. WHAT TO DO???? OH NO!! This is going to be tough to work out. You see there is a fainting billy goat in my spare bathroom tub. He has a Foley Catheter because he had surgery a couple of weeks ago for, let's just call it for conversation's sake "kidney stones." It's too involved at this hour of the morning to go into the details. So, Beau the fainting goat and grand sire of all my fainting females,is currently "living' in one of the spare bathtubs, dining on watermelon, garden veggies, hay and basically whatever he wants that does not contain "silica." (OK?) He has also learned to open the shower door, turn on both hot and cold water which is interesting because goats hate to get wet and he's learned that if he makes enough racket, and there is nothing wrong, I'll come anyway.
Back to needing to be out of town...
My friend Heather Mays is either crazy or brave or a lovely combination of both. SHE VOLUNTEERED to stay at the farm while I took care of some important business. I kept asking, "Are you sure?" She could work from here (in theory), she had cleared it with her boss and "besides," she said,"I can get some things done for work that need to be done in quiet anyway." OK then, I agreed.
On the morning I was to leave, I got up at 4:30 and started my list. I had to get a LOT of things done before I could go so that Heather could work and get her own things accomplished for the day. She was going to keep Geordie, make sure he was in good stead, as he had just had chemotherapy 5 days prior to my leaving. I NEVER leave him during this period of time. But Heather had a good handle on how "things go" around here. She'd done all the chores either with or FOR me before, so it was all good. I felt mostly fine about it all. Heather was all smiles and ready for the day when she arrived.
About 40 minutes or so into the trip, I called to check in. "Things are FINE" she said. "Don't worry about a thing." Hmmm....ok. So far, so good. The next time we spoke, she said, "You jinxed me calling to see how things were going...the goats got out, but I got them all put back up." YIKES! Maybe it was a one off. We didn't talk again until I finished my business and was on the way back home. She said nothing of anything going on, just that things were fine.
Upon returning home to wags, hugs, licks, lots of jumping and then Heather moved out of the way and let Geordie, Dexter and Maybelline have their turns (I had to make myself laugh at that visual!), I see a white sheet of notebook paper on the bar.
It read, "HEATHER'S TO DO LIST-MONDAY AUGUST 17, 2009" She's so organized she makes me sick. She had little BOXES, each with a check in the box for the tasks she had accomplished and wow, it looked like a lot, especially when I saw a little arrow and the word MORE, directing me to turn the page over.
I will not take away EVEN ONE WORD from HEATHER'S TO-DO LIST, but will close in saying FARM LIVIN' IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART...DON'T EVEN MAKE THE SAD MISTAKE OF THINKING IT'S A CAKE WALK. It sounds all lovely and simple, but MURPHY'S LAW ABIDES HERE! (There's a thought for a sign coming down the driveway!!)
And here it is folks....HEATHER'S TO-DO LIST for farm sitting for me today. Thank God I had administered all medications before I left and did the repeat of said medications when I got home. PLEASE NOTE: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THE COURSE OF THIS DAY! I'm sure it was CONSIDERED, and there were a lot of swear words, but no physical harm (that I know of! HA!) came to any animal! THANK YOU HEATHER!! WE LOVE YOU!)
AND THE LIST READS:
*GOAT HERDING
*KUBOTA DRIVING (this was done to help herd goats and I had never shown her how to drive it. Gave a quick lesson over the phone in the 2nd call.)
*Geordie-chauffering- you do NOT start the Kubota without Geordie. He MUST be in the passenger seat at all times.
* Car sing-along with Geordie. He seemed to have an affinity for a Taylor Swift song today among others.
*Make-shift FENCE REPAIR- Uh-oh. This didn't sound good. Heather dragged 2 or 3 HEAVY fence panels UP the hill to block where she thought the goats were sneaking under the fence.
*Laugh at Geordie eating whipped cream- Aww....ok this isn't so bad.
*Snuggle with Maizey- the kitten...GOOD! I LIKE THAT!! SOME REST! GOOD!
*Goat herding- AGAIN- I rolled my eyes and kind of gritted my teeth and thought, "Oh no" and especially after dragging all those heavy panels up the hill by herself...and they got out AGAIN??
*Used the phrase,"THIS HEIDI SHIT IS GETTING OLD!"- Ruh roh! I knew goat herding would not be a chosen profession at this point.
*Feed Beau-
*Corral Beau-
*Feed Beau-
*Corral Beau- current bath tub dweller that he is, Beau enjoys escape attempts. Clearly, he was trying Heather on for size. He knows her, but ALONE she was FAIR GAME!
*Remove contraband from Maizey's grasp- Maizey had an assortment of vet supplies, syringes, an empty Rx bottle that Heather wasn't sure about and other items of interest. She does this often. We found one of her rat holes in the lining of the sofa that contained a photograph of W, a hackeysack ball and things I can't remember. I wonder if my winning lotto ticket is in there?
*Clean self up. (I do this several times each day. Ya just gotta!)
*Remove W's shoes from Dexter's mouth- So, even little Dexter, Heather's puppy got in on the action! GO DEX!
(Now here is a cute little arrow and the word MORE, directing me to turn the page.)
*Crushed ice- Geordie demands this
*Crushed ice- Geordie clearly demanded more.
*Feed cats-
*Put Maizey back at her dish.
*Put Maizey back at her dish.
*Put Maizey back at her dish. (One could summize that Maizey didn't want to eat from her dish, I supposed...and by now tears are streaming because I'm totally cracking up.)
*Remove toy stuffing from Maybelline's mouth. (Are the natives getting restless?)
*Clean "goat pellets from the bathroom floor."- (I guess Beau got the shower door open again.)
*Check to see if EVIL GOATS HAVE OUTWITTED ME AGAIN!- Yep, that's what I always do! Heather was being a farm hand like a pro!! You ALWAYS check to see if goats are outwitting you because generally, they ARE!
*Understands FULLY why Anne drinks so much coffee.
(END OF NOTE!)
Well, everything turned out fine...just fine. I have laughed at this note since I got home, as I have been typing this post and will laugh at it for years to come.
In closing, another pearl of wisdom...Just TRY and make some plans when you live on a farm..."THEY" will change 'em for ya!"
Love your lives, find the humor and be happy you weren't Heather today!
THANK YOU HEATHER!! There's an extra star in your crown for this one. I owe you!
Till next time,
Annie
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It's difficult for all the stars to align properly, for the world to turn on her axis in such a precise manner that I can leave the farm for a while, much less for an entire day.
Even when there is "nothing in particular going on," with farm animals all that can change in one second flat. I swear I think there's a ring leader in each herd that says to the other leader of the herds and equine, "PSSSSSS! Kinda quiet around here, 10 bucks says she's resting!" And then the games begin...
In fact, it is not at all uncommon for me to think I'd love to have a rest, lay myself quietly on something comfortable, write, read a book, listen to mediations, or any of the things I love to do quietly and just "be." It's good for me...I hear. But, typically the case is I think I'll seize an opportunity to do some of those things and take a scan around to make sure every animal is where it should be and generally, out I go to put up a goat, see a sea of cows standing at water troughs that I SWEAR I just filled an hour ago, turned over water buckets for the dogs...just STUFF. So I take care of "whatever" and put my rest time on hold. In the mean time, people show up, the phone rings and before you know it, it's time to start the next regimen of chores. So, the rest time becomes a distant memory.
One example was this past Sunday afternoon. I had received two boxed CD sets of mediations and meditational music from someone very close to me! A SURPRISE FROM THE FED EX MAN! YIPPPEEE!! I had made a pass-through listen, but hadn't had time to REALLY start work on these CD sets. Sunday was the day. I pulled the blinds, found my nice soft blanket and piled across my bed. I hit play and off to mediation land I was going...ahhhh....so relaxed....so quiet...and then out of the blue as if Chicken Little had run in to tell me this time the sky was REALLY falling, out of my reverie came a thunderous, "GET UP! GET OUT HERE! ALL THE GOATS ARE LOOSE AND THEY'RE IN THE GARDEN!" Shaken, not stirred (hee hee-I like that little James Bond pun---and I digress, but...) I jumped up, ran past the lovely man's voice who was speaking to me about breathing deeply from my belly, threw on some shoes (generally crocs because I can get into them fast!) and out the door I went. So much for (ahem) "meditating." I was then meditating on where those escape artists were lining up to walk out, and exactly how I was going to hurt them when I caught them. (JOKE! Don't send PETA after me! I don't need that racket showing up here.) Anyway...finally the goats were corralled, they uniformly walked back into the cattle gate, looking at each other as if to say, "WHAT? WHO? HUH?"
Back inside I came....and back to my meditations I went. I was determined to get that accomplished! And I did!
So fast forward, I had to be out of town on Monday. WHAT TO DO???? OH NO!! This is going to be tough to work out. You see there is a fainting billy goat in my spare bathroom tub. He has a Foley Catheter because he had surgery a couple of weeks ago for, let's just call it for conversation's sake "kidney stones." It's too involved at this hour of the morning to go into the details. So, Beau the fainting goat and grand sire of all my fainting females,is currently "living' in one of the spare bathtubs, dining on watermelon, garden veggies, hay and basically whatever he wants that does not contain "silica." (OK?) He has also learned to open the shower door, turn on both hot and cold water which is interesting because goats hate to get wet and he's learned that if he makes enough racket, and there is nothing wrong, I'll come anyway.
Back to needing to be out of town...
My friend Heather Mays is either crazy or brave or a lovely combination of both. SHE VOLUNTEERED to stay at the farm while I took care of some important business. I kept asking, "Are you sure?" She could work from here (in theory), she had cleared it with her boss and "besides," she said,"I can get some things done for work that need to be done in quiet anyway." OK then, I agreed.
On the morning I was to leave, I got up at 4:30 and started my list. I had to get a LOT of things done before I could go so that Heather could work and get her own things accomplished for the day. She was going to keep Geordie, make sure he was in good stead, as he had just had chemotherapy 5 days prior to my leaving. I NEVER leave him during this period of time. But Heather had a good handle on how "things go" around here. She'd done all the chores either with or FOR me before, so it was all good. I felt mostly fine about it all. Heather was all smiles and ready for the day when she arrived.
About 40 minutes or so into the trip, I called to check in. "Things are FINE" she said. "Don't worry about a thing." Hmmm....ok. So far, so good. The next time we spoke, she said, "You jinxed me calling to see how things were going...the goats got out, but I got them all put back up." YIKES! Maybe it was a one off. We didn't talk again until I finished my business and was on the way back home. She said nothing of anything going on, just that things were fine.
Upon returning home to wags, hugs, licks, lots of jumping and then Heather moved out of the way and let Geordie, Dexter and Maybelline have their turns (I had to make myself laugh at that visual!), I see a white sheet of notebook paper on the bar.
It read, "HEATHER'S TO DO LIST-MONDAY AUGUST 17, 2009" She's so organized she makes me sick. She had little BOXES, each with a check in the box for the tasks she had accomplished and wow, it looked like a lot, especially when I saw a little arrow and the word MORE, directing me to turn the page over.
I will not take away EVEN ONE WORD from HEATHER'S TO-DO LIST, but will close in saying FARM LIVIN' IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART...DON'T EVEN MAKE THE SAD MISTAKE OF THINKING IT'S A CAKE WALK. It sounds all lovely and simple, but MURPHY'S LAW ABIDES HERE! (There's a thought for a sign coming down the driveway!!)
And here it is folks....HEATHER'S TO-DO LIST for farm sitting for me today. Thank God I had administered all medications before I left and did the repeat of said medications when I got home. PLEASE NOTE: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THE COURSE OF THIS DAY! I'm sure it was CONSIDERED, and there were a lot of swear words, but no physical harm (that I know of! HA!) came to any animal! THANK YOU HEATHER!! WE LOVE YOU!)
AND THE LIST READS:
*GOAT HERDING
*KUBOTA DRIVING (this was done to help herd goats and I had never shown her how to drive it. Gave a quick lesson over the phone in the 2nd call.)
*Geordie-chauffering- you do NOT start the Kubota without Geordie. He MUST be in the passenger seat at all times.
* Car sing-along with Geordie. He seemed to have an affinity for a Taylor Swift song today among others.
*Make-shift FENCE REPAIR- Uh-oh. This didn't sound good. Heather dragged 2 or 3 HEAVY fence panels UP the hill to block where she thought the goats were sneaking under the fence.
*Laugh at Geordie eating whipped cream- Aww....ok this isn't so bad.
*Snuggle with Maizey- the kitten...GOOD! I LIKE THAT!! SOME REST! GOOD!
*Goat herding- AGAIN- I rolled my eyes and kind of gritted my teeth and thought, "Oh no" and especially after dragging all those heavy panels up the hill by herself...and they got out AGAIN??
*Used the phrase,"THIS HEIDI SHIT IS GETTING OLD!"- Ruh roh! I knew goat herding would not be a chosen profession at this point.
*Feed Beau-
*Corral Beau-
*Feed Beau-
*Corral Beau- current bath tub dweller that he is, Beau enjoys escape attempts. Clearly, he was trying Heather on for size. He knows her, but ALONE she was FAIR GAME!
*Remove contraband from Maizey's grasp- Maizey had an assortment of vet supplies, syringes, an empty Rx bottle that Heather wasn't sure about and other items of interest. She does this often. We found one of her rat holes in the lining of the sofa that contained a photograph of W, a hackeysack ball and things I can't remember. I wonder if my winning lotto ticket is in there?
*Clean self up. (I do this several times each day. Ya just gotta!)
*Remove W's shoes from Dexter's mouth- So, even little Dexter, Heather's puppy got in on the action! GO DEX!
(Now here is a cute little arrow and the word MORE, directing me to turn the page.)
*Crushed ice- Geordie demands this
*Crushed ice- Geordie clearly demanded more.
*Feed cats-
*Put Maizey back at her dish.
*Put Maizey back at her dish.
*Put Maizey back at her dish. (One could summize that Maizey didn't want to eat from her dish, I supposed...and by now tears are streaming because I'm totally cracking up.)
*Remove toy stuffing from Maybelline's mouth. (Are the natives getting restless?)
*Clean "goat pellets from the bathroom floor."- (I guess Beau got the shower door open again.)
*Check to see if EVIL GOATS HAVE OUTWITTED ME AGAIN!- Yep, that's what I always do! Heather was being a farm hand like a pro!! You ALWAYS check to see if goats are outwitting you because generally, they ARE!
*Understands FULLY why Anne drinks so much coffee.
(END OF NOTE!)
Well, everything turned out fine...just fine. I have laughed at this note since I got home, as I have been typing this post and will laugh at it for years to come.
In closing, another pearl of wisdom...Just TRY and make some plans when you live on a farm..."THEY" will change 'em for ya!"
Love your lives, find the humor and be happy you weren't Heather today!
THANK YOU HEATHER!! There's an extra star in your crown for this one. I owe you!
Till next time,
Annie
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