Actions Speak Louder...Thumbs Up My Friend.

It's 12:46am and I've spent the past couple of hours thinking specifically about this post. I can't say enough about the emails I continue to receive every day, offering love and support to Frieda Hudson. Just when I think about how selfish our society has become, something happens that slides my opinion to a more positive place. There have been many reasons recently that "people" have been beyond disappointing. I have watched greed guide and direct lives knowingly hurting and harming others. Looking after 'self' seems to have superceded all compassion and concern for neighbor and fellow man. So I sound like a person who looks at life negatively? Not in the least. I've always been an optomist. It's just that there are those times in life that make no sense to me...until today. Things became clear in terms of all the things, that "life" throws at us. All of us have struggles. All of us have situations we'd rather not be in. All of us have circumstances beyond our control. I think it's safe to say that no matter what cognitive place Frieda might be in right now, I saw Frieda in her truest form shine through this evening.
The first visit was brief. Gray, Sarah, Young Nancy, Marah and I were together with Frieda. She seemed aggitated. She seemed uncomfortable. I thought that even that is something to be happy about. At least she is with us to "be" all those things. She looked great from the tracheotomy. She had good color, etc. Shortly after I arrived, the nurse said she was going to give pain medicine and we would have to go. Visit two offered a more rested, more comfortable Frieda. When Young Nancy, Marah and I returned, she was making good eye contact, she was smiling at me when I walked in and even "got" a couple of my stupid jokes. For giggles, I threw some terms out there to see what was returned to me. I told Frieda that Alltel had cancelled my package for "non use" since she had been in the hospital. With that, her eyes grew big, then I saw the connection...JOKE! She grinned at us really big and when we laughed, she continued to grin and squint her eyes tightly. That was great. I asked if she remembered using a pen on Sunday and she looked very shocked at that and reached toward me. Young Nancy handed off a dry erase pen and she started to try to click the top of it. There was nothing to click and she looked at us with a very puzzled look. And then started to draw "air circles." Nancy got the dry erase board and she began to scribble. The scribble began like an "F." We said, "FRIEDA! That looks like your signature," which brought another grin. I then told her that she had just signed a check and I was on my way to the bank with it. That drew a frown. We laughed hard! That was just like our Frieda. (I understand that before I got there, Sarah was able to get a smirky eye roll from Frieda when she had asked her about something! Sarah said she'd been waiting 13 days for that eye roll!)
The last visit of the evening brought something very wonderful. It has carried me for the rest of the day. I had no idea how I could even convey what Young Nancy and I saw in this blog. I just know that it happened. When the two of us returned, Frieda made us know she was uncomfortable in her bed. The nurses moved her into a better position, she indicated by pointing that she wanted the tube moved from one side of her face to the other. The nurses took care of that. She seemed sorted and okay then. I was getting an odd look from her, however, and it was a look with a question attached. I knew she was asking what is going on. I have seen that look a couple of times in the past few days. It was a stare directly at me. Frieda and I do not keep things from each other. Never have. I could feel what she wanted. I was holding her hand and she squeezed tightly while looking at me. I simply said, "Frieda, we're going to do this thing together aren't we? We're going to do everything we have to do together to get you well." Frieda was nodding up and down. I continued in saying "I know you'd do the same thing for me and we're just going to do whatever it takes and get you well." Frieda continued to nod up and down and stare at me. All at once, she let go of my hand and formed a fist. In a blink, she had a "thumbs up," pumping her hand up and down at me. Tears began to roll, Young Nancy began to cry. I handed that thumbs up right back and told Frieda that indeed we would go through this together and that it would all be okay. I saw fear turn into determination. I saw Frieda making the statement that YES. She would come out of this and yes, if it were happening to me, she'd be doing the same thing. I saw many confirmations. I pretended to fuss and said, "Now look what you've done! I was NOT going to cry." Laughter followed quickly when she frowned and shook her head "no."
How does this connect with how I opened this post? Life is all about choices. Some of us make good ones and some of us make bad ones. Life is about being able to cope with the moment, live in the moment and do the very best you can to do your best. Even making the best choices we can, bad things happen sometimes. There is no preparation for that. We just have to be strong enough on our own and possess a kind of conviction that comes from the INSIDE. Sheer will is what makes or breaks a survivor. I saw a surivor speak her heart today. Am I sure of what I saw? You bet I am. Young Nancy saw her mother assume a role today. It was that of a survivor.
There are things that happen to us all that we do not want to experience. But at times like this afternoon, I am restored, invigorated and renewed. I am reminded that even in the midst of "the bad," good can and does come from it. I have a feeling that we're just getting started with all that we will learn from Frieda and this experience. If I know her at all, she'll be knocking the odds down like bowling pins. I am seeing blessings even in these crucial times. Does God bless or show favor to one over another? No. I certainly dont believe that. But He does give us all "free will" and our choices are a result of that.
Frieda Hudson will choose to win, to come out on top and to be the best she can possibly be. Her competetive spirit has not waivered one bit. I am so very thankful for that.
Since I have known Frieda Hudson, I have seen nothing but example after example of "actions speak louder." She is an "actions" kind of gal. Nope, she's not mushy gushy. She doesn't shout from the mountain tops all she is capable of. She doesn't ever whine either. She's not hugging all over anyone...she's a doer. Frieda will get this job done too. Her quiet strength and determination will prevail in the aftermath of this stroke. I am a priviliedged observer.
The "thumbs up" said everything. Yes, my dear Frieda. We ARE going to do this thing together. We're going to take the bull by the horns and drag it kicking and screaming all the way up the long, uncertain road that waits ahead. And here I am getting confidence once again from my friend who is still in an intensive care unit at Pitt Memorial Hospital. THUMBS UP my friend! You betcha! We are going to do this thing together. Actions will speak so much louder.

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