Being At Home In Your Own Skin...Taking Baby Steps Toward True Happiness.

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How many times do we feel completely overwhelmed in our day to day lives?
Of late, it seems that I hear more and more people complaining about stresses they are having trouble finding solutions for.
Life is complicated enough without all the additional troubles that we place on ourselves. Magazines tell us what we should look like and if we don't comply with the airbrushed specimens placed on their covers, then we tell ourselves we haven't made the mark. So we stress about it.
The time spent on jobs doesn't seem to offer gratifying results. We push ourselves harder and harder and what exactly is it that we seek to accomplish in doing so? We stress about that too.
Couples don't make enough time for themselves to be couples. Marriages suffer as a result, families suffer as a result and overall we have become a society of searchers...yet we don't even know what we are searching for. And we stress about it. Stress has become a serious and dangerous undercurrent to our ability to "live."
Once upon a time, people made time for relaxation. We made time for hobbies, time to read, time to be informed, time to reach out to others and we had the time to do it.
So, what has changed?
There are still 24 hours in a day, yet today more than ever we try to cram more into a 24 hour period than is humanly possible. Everything is affected. Our bodies reject all the stressors we place upon them in the forms of heart attacks, strokes, cancer and so many other ailments. It's a medical fact now. Stress does kill.
And we wonder why we are unhappy.
There are tons of books written on the topic "how to be happy." Suppose we do take the time to read them...do we apply any of the wisdom offered? Or do we begin to make excuses immediately, supposing that that might work for "other people," feeling fresh ideas could never work for us?
I have been in all those places. I still have lots of work to do. I have discovered, however, "the work to do" part is called "living." You simply have to be an active participant in your own life to find true happiness!
It's trying to find your own balance that is so important and that is also "what counts."
Even if it's 5 minutes in the morning reserved for "you" when you didn't previously allow yourself that time, it's a step.
There was a funny movie out several years ago called "What About Bob." Richard Dreyfuss was a very uptight, know-it-all shrink who came in contact with Bill Murray's character "Bob." Oddly enough, "Bob" who had every single "ism" in the world, was basically doing alright. Conversely, it was the shrink who REALLY had the problems. He was completely absorbed in himself, how he came across to others, how his family appeared to others, his financial standing and presentation were everything to this poor soul. He had it all wrong, yet he wrote a book telling the world how to do it all right. In the "book" the good doctor discussed "baby steps." As funny and entertaining as the movie was, there was a point to it.
The idea of "baby steps" isn't too far fetched...
Back to taking 5 minutes in the morning...if you try that, you just might find that you actually have 10 minutes, or you might discover that taking 5 minute "personal breaks" during the day to do one thing for yourself might be the baby steps you need to get started in locating where your stressors are. Creating your own time and space for balance, even slowly, will begin to make way for discovering a better life.
We seem to get caught up in the things we have to do each day and we leave no time to investigate what we NEED in our lives to make them more joyful, peaceful, serene, and meaningful.
My husband has always been a workaholic. No matter how much "preaching" I did, his inner drive kept him going all the time, striving for perfection in every task he approached. Was he happy? Short answer...no. Even when he spent his time striving for perfection, he was tired, he was hard on himself and nothing ever met his expectations. While I felt bad for him, I decided that discussing his overdrive work ethic was not going to produce much success. So, I continued to focus on working on "me."
I used to say all the time, "if you don't slow down, one day LIFE is going to slow you down." And it did.
Last summer, he suffered a severe injury and he was slowed down in an instant. I watched him struggle through surgery, rehabilitation, learning to work at a totally different pace than he had ever worked before. It was not easy. Frustrations were many as he tried to live with essentially a new person. Over time and with baby steps, my husband learned that he HAD to do things differently. Today, he's a lot happier. He is more settled and able to enjoy doing something for himself without feeling so much guilt, feeling under the gun and all the issues that workaholics face when they "stop working." It's incredibly nice (and kind of funny looking!) to see him holding a book while having his morning coffee before he starts his work day.
It might sound ridiculous if you're not a workaholic. How can ANYONE not be "able" to relax? I don't know if it's part of the genetic or the psychological makeup of folks who stay in overdrive all the time. I'm not built that way. I just know from living with a "driven personality," imbalance doesn't bring happiness or satisfaction. There is nothing that can bring contentment until you give the simple gift of "TIME" for yourself.
Are you giving yourself the time you have earned and deserved? If not, make a list of things you'd like to do. Start small. Don't begin with the big extravagant vacations you dream of taking "when you retire." That's defeating the purpose! Make small, attainable goals! Remember "baby steps." Make your first list one that includes SIMPLE things. Some examples are:
Write a letter on paper to an old friend, visit a local place of interest, read a book, daydream and jot down the things that you daydreamed about. This exercise doesn't have to be even remotely complicated. That's the whole point...keeping things simple.
Mastering 'making time for yourself' can be a daunting task for people who don't "do" the self thing.
Take your time. Have your morning coffee while sitting some place relaxing instead of taking it on the run. Get a copy of a daily reader and read the message for that day. The possibilities of doing fun, simple things can be very exciting. You could even make a short list of things you might like to try and check them off as you do them. Try sudoku. Work walks into your day. Take in a sunrise or a sunset. Start a blog!
Any start is a good start...and believe it or not, taking time for one's self does require effort! Most importantly, whatever you do, do something that pleases YOU!
It's worth every second invested in making your life more enjoyable.
Here's wishing you peace, contentment and the ability to make time for "you!" (Remember...BABY STEPS!)
Till next time,
Annie

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