I Don't Even Know Where to Start - Folks, We Need to Talk.

It's Sunday night, a bit before midnight. I've been pondering for a while now on how to even approach this post. I drove home from Greenville tonight in stunned silence.
While away at a family reunion over the weekend, I received a call from Karen Winfrey on Saturday morning. She said that Frieda had taken a bad turn and while they didn't have concrete answers, she may have had another stroke. She was not responsive, she was not speaking and something was clearly wrong. I understood that there would be tests involved and Karen would be calling me back as information came in. We talked through the day while Frieda remained the same, there were no answers. Preliminary findings did not show a brain bleed, a stroke or really any concrete issues at all. In other words, a complete mystery. The doctors were not able to determine what caused this sudden and severe deterioration. Frieda was moved up to the 3rd floor north area, into a cardiac step down unit. This is not ICU, but the intermediate care one receives when coming out of ICU. (She was in this type of care after leaving ICU a couple of weeks ago.)
Wayne and I cut our trip short and came home. We knew today that Frieda had not improved at all overnight and in fact, seemed to be worse. On the trip up to Greenville, we guessed, wondered, prayed and simply did not understand what was happening and why.
When we arrived, Frieda's eyes were open, but she was not focused and was completely different than our previous visit. She was essentially unresponsive. The nurse advised us that she had been given the contrasts for tests that would take place "in a couple of hours." So, we sat with Frieda. She seemed clearly uncomfortable. Frieda did not know us. If she did, there was no indication on her part that she recognized our faces or voices. We sat with Frieda as she slept for a couple of hours. A respiratory technician came in to make sure her oxygen levels were correct before she left for tests. There were to be scans from her neck to her pelvis to look for issues. The technician decided to remove the nasal oxygen tube in favor of a mask. He said that she was not "needing" more oxygen per se, but the mask was the best option right now. In fact, he had turned the oxygen up and then determined it was not necessary to give her more, so he turned it back down to the original levels, leaving the mask. We left for a little while when Frieda was out of the room. When she was returned, things were the same. We had been back in the room for about 10 minutes, when she started to open her eyes. She would stare at me with a very puzzled, disoriented look on her face. Yet when I got out of her line of vision, she would become obviously upset. I am still not certain that she knew it was "me" or Wayne even...but it was quite clear that she did not want to be alone. The first word that comes to mind to describe what I saw was "fear." Secondly, I felt she is in pain of some type. This is all so shocking and so incredibly frustrating. Last Sunday, Frieda had a headache. She SAID she had a headache, the nurse brought medication and she swallowed it. It was easy. She said exactly what she wanted and needed, even in terms of being comfortable in her bed.
This Sunday, Frieda is silent. We are stunned and this is all unbelievable.
The nurse, Faye, kept telling us that there is nothing black or white about this condition. There is nothing that is blatantly obvious that has caused this deterioration in Frieda's condition. Faye stayed in the room with us for a few minutes to observe while Frieda's eyes were open. She was able to "track" an ink pen I had in my hand, as well as follow my hand as I moved it back and forth. She opened her eyes when I asked her to, which Faye said she had not done for her today. She did not squeeze my hand when I asked her to or indicate that she knew what I was talking about.
I have my own ideas on what has happened, but it would be presumptuous of me to disclose "feelings" in terms of discussing a medical condition, so we will all wait until reports come back from today's tests. Another brain scan is scheduled for tomorrow. I will post information and findings as I learn about them.
I am asking you now, just as I did back in July, to pray for Frieda. Please send healing energy to her, as now more than ever, she needs it. Obviously, the move to rehab is out of the question and this has been a major blow.
We've dealt with blows before and I will remain prayerful and hopeful that we can soon have answers to what on earth has occurred. Our faith is being tested and we MUST remain positive and reflect on the things Frieda has overcome this far. We cannot take those things away from Frieda by lacking faith that she can overcome this too.
It is painful and difficult because we have no clue what is going on. When the stroke happened back in July, we knew exactly what was going on and WHY Frieda was in the condition that she was at that time.
It has been stunning when I look at how she was making MAJOR progress last week. She wrote, she read, she talked on the phone, she was eating solid food, she was swallowing with no problems whatsoever. She was so excited to get to move to the rehab unit and get to work on "going home."
I am totally baffled as I type this. I will be honest and say this has been so hard to write to you. I have managed to string information together and present it to you in this post. For some reason, even the difficult posts before came much easier than trying to post this one. From the beginning, I knew people both wanted and needed to know what was going on with Frieda and I have given you straight facts of her progress throughout. I must admit, while presenting 'today's facts' to you is what needs to happen, this has been nearly impossible for me to get through.
Pray for Frieda. Pray for her family. Pray that wisdom be imparted to the doctors and medical staff attending her. Pray that answers to this unbelievable setback be brought into the light and that proper measures for healing can begin again.
I am deeply saddened that you are not reading of improvements tonight. Be reminded my friends, that Frieda has fought her way back from the original stroke and we MUST keep the faith FOR FRIEDA that she will pull right out of this situation as well.
I will also pray for all of you wonderful friends and readers of my blog. You are Frieda's FRIENDS and I have gained so much from your extensions of kindness, emails, stories and support. I know your hearts will ache upon reading this. Please let Frieda's strength and courage be a symbol of comfort to you as we wait to learn what is happening.
I wish each of you God's STRENGTH, God's PEACE and God's LOVE as we all search our minds yet again for answers to the question, "WHY?"
FRIEDA WE ARE STILL HERE! WE ARE STILL PRAYING AND YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Hang on Frieda! Answers are coming!!!
As for all of you who read my posts If you need to email me to ask anything, or just to express how you're feeling, please feel free to do so. Of course, the "comments" segment of the blog is open to all. Please use that as often as you want or need to in order to get the fearful thoughts out of the way! That way, you can make plenty of room for HEALING THOUGHTS!!!
I care deeply about how you all are feeling. Please know that.
God bless us all as we search for answers and understanding.
-Annie

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