If you haven't heard that name, I am asking you to please familiarize yourself with it. Take a dose of harsh reality, combine it with sincerity, humor and a real human being and you get Dr. RANDY PAUSCH. You will be awestruck at his courage, but most of all how he "lives" his life. His mental, spiritual and emotional strength will surely bring a tear or in my case, many tears.
I don't know when (if ever) I have been more inspired by a personality, a life story or a human being since I learned about Dr. Randy Pausch. The closest thing I have come to witnessing this kind of strength personally, was when I was actively involved with my best friend Frieda Hudson. Watching her fight for her life and work so hard to recover from her strokes was amazing and I was honored to be beside her.
Pausch was busy living his dreams, building his life, building his family and all was right with the world for him. It was then that he learned he had pancreatic cancer. Dr. Pausch has three small children. He is just a bit older than me and it really made me stop and truly look at life differently.
He advises "us"...his fellow human beings...to find our passions. He advises us to live our childhood dreams. He in fact, actually still has his "list" and he has accomplished the majority, if not all of them.
Randy Pausch is brilliant academically. That in itself is an accomplishment, but out of no where comes this man with this ZEAL, this SPIRIT, this incredible smile....and he is dying. His humor is contagious. His outlook is optimistic when one would think there would be no room for optimism. He was diagnosed in 2006, but in August of 2007, he was told he had 3 to 6 months to live. He basically asserts that if you are given that kind of news and you haven't "lived your life according to your passions," it's too late at that point to start "TRYING" to live. In fact, he infers that you should have been "living" all along...not when you learn that you have an incurable illness. Pausch rejoices that it was 9 months ago that he was told the 3 to 6 month time span.
He's a fighter, he loves his wife, he loves his family and it will be a long, long time, if ever that America sees a hero like Dr. Randy Pausch. I'm just sorry I didn't know about his work sooner. I only learned about him as a result of his illness, his interviews and watching his interview with Diane Sawyer.
Randy Pausch and his wife (Her name is Jai, pronounced "Jay" and he met her while speaking at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill.) haven't been married all that long. They were doing what the rest of us do. Or are we? THEY were building their dreams, their lives, and moving forward and out of the blue, as I have discussed in this blog before, everything changed on a dime for that family. We can say we are living our lives to the fullest too, but I doubt we "really" are doing all that we can do in terms of loving, caring, laughing and actually making a contribution to "life."...and as far as we know, we don't have a deadly form of cancer that we are aware of. We just run the routine...day in, day out.
Pausch implores us not to take our lives for granted. He asks us to find our passion and go for it. He asks us most of all to "love."
So many people are motivated by money, things, status, appearances, hanging with the right group, social status, power, control...but none of those things are as powerful as knowing someone LOVES you. Not one of those things matter when life is at its end.
If you haven't read the book, "THE LAST LECTURE," please do so. It will, I believe make a change in your life.
You can go to YouTube and see the ENTIRE last lecture that Dr. Pausch spoke at Carnegie-Mellon University. Pausch had been asked to do a "last lecture," as many professors are, in order to try and theorize what you have to say IF it were indeed your last lecture. He was asked BEFORE he learned of his illness. Initially, Pausch had second thoughts about it after his diagnosis. Who wouldn't? As I said, it was to be a theoretical "last lecture." It is done at many universities and is considered a great honor. But, even knowing it was truly his last lecture, Pausch wasn't daunted. It's about an hour and worth every second of it. In fact, google Randy Pausch and read all you can, learn all you can and take in all you can from this man. His wisdom is so inspiring. There is a link to the right of my posts that will link you to a place to purchase the book. (Carnegie-Mellon is now selling copies of "The Last Lecture" DVD and I believe the money goes to pancreatic cancer research.) I have bought copies of the book for lots of folks, as I believe this story is "that" important. You can find it at all major bookstores. Do yourself and those you love a favor and get it (if I haven't gotten it for you yet! ha!) I gave it to Marah for her own graduation, as I felt it was "THAT" important for her to read as she enters into "the real world." After you have learned about Dr. Randy Pausch, do a favor for me....would you? Get back to me on those "problems" you've been having! We have no problems. We do NOT have any problems. If you don't see what I mean by that upon learning about this amazing man...well...then something is wrong with you upstairs! Or you simply have no heart...and you'd better get that looked into quickly. I don't think you can "live" for very long without a heart either. Pun intended!
In order to pique your interest, please see the video above from the recent surprise address he gave at the 2008 Commencement at Carnegie-Mellon. His charge is short...about 6 minutes and it will leave you hungering to know more about this man and his life. I could go on and on, but what I have to say "about" Randy Pausch isn't important. What is important is that YOU give him a listen..and then be truly thankful.
Till next time...make your moments count for something,
Annie

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Are you one of those folks that can't stand it when it gets "too quiet?"
I used to be. Quiet was almost scary to me. Back in those times, I would make a call, turn something on "just for the noise" or whatever it took to avoid "silence."
A few years back a dear friend of mine, who is an artist, mentor, business person and a woman with a bazillion other wonderful attributes, Ann Ehringhaus, described to me how "silence" became a part of her walk. Ann operates a very successful bed and breakfast on Ocracoke. In her "on" season, her house is always filled with guests from every walk of life.
Her business required that she, of course, open her home and in that regard, she felt she had to "entertain" her guests.
As I recall her story to me, it would start in the mornings. She felt she had to get the conversations going and keep them going as she prepared breakfast. She is such a loving spirit by nature, that seemed totally in keeping with her personality. However, over time, it began to wear on her. She didn't like the feeling of "having to talk." She wondered if her guests even WANTED to talk and she started to re-think things a bit.
Again, as I recall Ann telling me about this, she decided to try an experiment. She just didn't talk. She elected to be "silent." What came as a result was amazing. She could go about what she needed to do for her guests and guess what? They could handle themselves just fine! They talked to one another if they chose to, and it was perfectly fine if someone elected just to listen.
It has been several years now since Ann and I had that conversation and back then, I decided to implement her idea into my own life. Like Ann, I started in the mornings. I told Wayne my plan so he wouldn't mistakenly think I was pouting about something (ha!) and just didn't talk. I thought. I listened. I pondered. I did laundry, I did whatever I wanted, in silence. It has become for the most part a strong way of life for me. It's like "I have to have it" now. There are times, of course, that it doesn't work out that I "can" be silent in the mornings, and I just do what I have to do and then try to get back in to the place of quiet.
Having always been known for talking, laughing and generally a noisy personality, that is probably difficult for some of my old friends to believe. Frieda and I used to have a cup of coffee together over the phone frequently, but that came about later in the morning usually. The first part was "mine."
To this day, I believe I have learned more about myself from the "gift of silence" that Ann Ehringhaus gave me years ago than I can imagine.
Folks ask me all the time about being a "nighthawk." And yes, I am. Unabashedly, unashamedly so. Right now, I'm on my porch. I am listening to rain. I hear the bull frogs I wrote about a couple of posts back. The "peepers" are out making their peeping sounds, and a symphony of "night noise" is all around me. I can hear a tinkle every now and again of either Grady or Dice moving about the goat shed. How do I know it's one of them? Easy! They are the only two goats that haven't lost their bells! I can hear the outside dogs making noises of one sort or another and it's the most peaceful place in the world in this moment.
You sure can't get this kind of peace in the middle of the day on Monday. All that will come soon enough. The phone will start to ring. The fax machine will start sending information, tons of questions will have to be answered, and life will resume "how it goes around here." But for now, the world around me "talks."
I listen, say nothing and soak it all in like a sponge. There is no music any more beautiful than God's peace in the night time.
So, perhaps I'm not so crazy after all. Crickets chirping, the night birds singing...a hoot owl in the distance are constant reminders of things that I cannot "see" that are certainly there. Faith works the same way.
God is all around us, in the daylight and in the darkness. I believe the night noises are an amazing source of comfort and a reminder that we are never alone.
There is a story that my family tells about me that I will share. The "sort of" condensed version goes like this...
I must have been about 4 or 5 when the adventure took place...
We lived just across a field from my grandparents. I had been tucked into my bed and like all good children, the intention was that I STAY THERE. I cannot tell you what possessed me to get up and go visit my grandparents after 11pm, but out of my bed, out the door and across the field I went. I went to the back door and probably woke my grandparents. My grandfather said, "What do you mean slipping off and walking out here in the middle of the night by yourself?" I told him very sincerely that I didn't come by myself. He scolded me again for saying what was clearly not true, but I insisted that I didn't come there alone. Pop decided he'd had enough with me about the whole ordeal and I'm sure my grandmother had called my parents by then. But, finally my grandpa decided to listen to my explanation. I pleaded, "Pop, I really DIDN'T come out here by myself. Mrs. Baker told us in Sunday school that we were never alone and that God is always with us."
I don't remember how I got home, if Pop carried me or how it all ended up. I just know that my grandfather agreed with my logic and there was no punishment. They were, I'm sure just glad I was safe. I remember many years later hearing him recount the story and how he was touched and knew I couldn't be punished after making such a statement. "Out of the mouths of babes..."
So, to wrap this up, the nighthawk thing really isn't all that new...and when you know God is always around, there is no reason to fear the darkness, or indeed to fear "silence."
It's in the quiet times when our hearts are peaceful and our minds are at rest and we can "hear" all the things we would have missed in this otherwise crazy, noisy, much too busy world we live in.
Give SILENCE a chance! It won't take long until you see what I mean. And Ann, thanks again for sharing your story with me. It changed me in ways that I could never thank you enough.
Dear Readers, I am in hopes that you too will find your time of day to give yourself the gift of silence. Try taking notes of what you hear, really listen, give yourself permission to withdraw for just a little while. Trust me....you'll be glad you did!
Till next time,
Annie
PS: A note of interest that I just had to put in this post...as soon as I published this topic, one lone whip-poor-will (also known as a "NIGHT HAWK!" ha!) just joined the symphony and is doing a fine duet with the bull frog at the pond. Yet another sign for me that LIFE IS SO GOOD and I am not alone!

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(photo credit Frieda Hudson)
ANNIE AND GEORDIE CELEBRATE BIRTHDAYS TODAY!
Counting blessings is easy to do when you reach another year and you're still breathing in and out.
I'm 46 now (actually when I started to type this post, I was still 45, but when I got back to write again, it was after midnight and alas.."time marches on!)...once upon a time, 46 sounded really old. Today, not so much.
I was surprised when the phone rang a little bit ago. I figured it was Marah. She has a big job interview tomorrow, so I was sure it was her!
BUT NO!!! It was my favorite prankster cohorts Martha and Gene Myers!!! They were "REMINDING ME" that it was my birthday.
Now, I have issues with Martha's birthday. I'm either early or late. I have NO idea why, as it shouldn't be a problem, but this past year, I think I got it right and called HER, waking her up, at midnight, so that I could be THE FIRST to wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! She was celebrating the big FIVE OH, so it was important that I terrorize her.
Payback was tonight. But they should know by now that I'm ALWAYS up at this time of day. It's "MY TIME" of day. I think, I write, I work on school work, I read and do all kinds of things. It feels great because it seems as though I'm the only person in the world awake! I actually look forward to this time of day for those reasons.
My good friend Catesby Jones, who is a fabulous singer, songwriter, performer and an all around great guy, also celebrates a birthday on May 16th, so I'm in great company.
Plans? I HAVE NONE! That is my plan. I want to basically do what I want and find enjoyment in the things that bring me pleasure and happiness today. That's all I can think of that I'd like to "have" to celebrate. No fanfare, no festivities, just peace.
We had dinner with my folks on Wednesday night and that was fun. We went over on Tuesday for the day and decided to spend the night and come home today. We had a great time together.
Today is also my best buddy's birthday!!! GEORDIE IS ELEVEN today. I can't believe it. Where does time go? Seems like yesterday
that he was just a pup, sliding across the floor anytime someone rang the doorbell. (When he was a pup, Domino's pizza had a commercial that included a doorbell ringing. (Remember the "GET THE DOOR, IT'S DOMINO'S commercials? They are etched in my head FOREVER because of my Geordie!) The commercial was aired A LOT! Each time it aired, this leggy, little Border Collie pup would take off to the door, barking his puppy head off, certain he had a visitor. His legs were all out of control on the wood floor and he'd slide (HARD!) into the front door each and every time! He was a precious pup! Still is...he's my number one sidekick. So, again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORDIE BOY!!! You are the best friend anyone could ever have. Even today, Wayne and I laugh at him sliding on that floor like a maniac!
I guess each birthday we have is a time to reflect on the past year. You wonder what the next year will bring, you look back at the past year and wonder if you got all the things done "at that age" you would like to.
I can say this. My 45th year was a good one. There were a lot of fears, worry, loss, etc. but I'm here. My best human friend continues to try to regain her life in a nursing facility. Wayne was injured badly last summer, but has recovered well and while the crazies on this planet keep right on being crazy, we go on with OUR lives. We have a lot of dear friends, which are gifts. We are surrounded with lots of love, we are all healthy and so life is beyond good. It is great.
Loss, hurts and unexpected events are all a part of life. When these things happen, we don't like them, but we know that we will survive. Faith is a big part of that knowledge. I don't know what people "do" in times of trial when they don't have deep faith. Many times, "faith" is all we have to rely on.
I love being in my 40's. I joke and say I'm still young enough to have lots of fun and be crazy...and old enough to know when to quit!
So, I'll use this post to thank all my friends for just that...being my friends. I love you all so very much!!
I'm at a place in life that "things" aren't important. LIFE is a luxury...and having genuine people around me means so much. There is no tangible item that can replace "good friends."
Who knows what 46 will bring? I know whatever it brings, I will enter into this 46th year with hope, strength, faith, security and lots of love. Who could ask for more?
Last year, Wayne, Frieda and I went out. We had a great dinner. Wayne gave me a rocking chair, Frieda gave me a hat that I LOVE! It's a farmer's hat and I adore it! And if you will remember, I also got FOUR donkeys!!! Poppy and Petal, Cinnamon and Muffin all came to live with us from Lenoir, NC. We had a BLAST going to pick them up! There were a hundred funny stories that came out of that trip. I will entertain myself with those memories as well.
I think back on turning 16. It was my "golden birthday." I was 16 on the 16th. A lot has happened and a lot has changed since those days. But, overall, I see a lot of similarities in myself from those days. I still love a good laugh. I still love animals. I still sing, write songs and hopefully am better at that than when I was 16..but I'm glad I haven't changed dramatically.
I'm at an age now that "I like myself...a lot." I know my faults, my good points, my bad points and I know they create "ME" in the way that God planned. I hope He's happy with how I have turned out so far. Notice I said "SO FAR." We never stop growing and learning. (or at least we shouldn't!) When you stop those things, you stop LIVING!
So, this will be a quiet, peaceful, reflective birthday. It will be "MY DAY" and I plan to use it wisely. These days, I take nothing for granted.
I wish peace to those who are not peaceful. I wish love for those who don't know love. I wish comfort to those who are suffering and I wish kindness for those who are angry. I wish happiness for those who are sad. I wish satisfaction for those who are never satisfied. I wish restored health to those who are not well and healthy.
Most of all, I wish each of you contentment in your lives.
I am so very lucky. There are some who question when we say we are "blessed" and why would one person be "blessed" more than another. I won't debate that here. I will just say that through any adversity, as well as the good times in my life, I feel blessed. What an incredible birthday gift! As a gift to those of you who read my blog, I hope your birthday celebrations are just that...celebrations of YOUR lives!
And if you're reading this today and it's also YOUR birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! LIVE LARGE, LIVE LOUD AND LOVE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU! Heck, I'm going to take the liberty of not even proof reading this post! HA! That's totally outrageous for me, so I'm already starting to have FUN! This will be a great day!
Till next time,
(older today!) Annie

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"Congratulations Marah!! (Marah and Kevin on Graduation Day at UNC-W)
Hi All! Well, it's been (surprisingly) about 16 days since I last posted. Where on earth did time get to?
I was last talking about gratitude, taking comfort in the little things and "simple abundance." Since that post, we have been super busy, but in a great way. Marah graduated from the University of North Carolina at Wilmington on Saturday, May 10. It was such a wonderful feeling! She, of course, was over the moon. I, of course, was in tears...and all was right with the world.
We still are wondering where the last 4 years have gone. (Never mind the 16 days since my last post!)
Wayne and I couldn't sleep last night, so we got up and headed to Sanford at 3:30 this morning! Now tell me I won't be wondering whose bright idea that was at around 4:00 this afternoon!
It was cool, actually chilly! There was very little traffic and it was fun to ride and talk. We watched the sun come up, I read some inspiring "daily readers" aloud and we just perked along.
Now, I'm having coffee, watching geese go across the neighbor's horse pasture and the horses getting their morning grazes in.
There is a lot to be thankful for this week. Marah has reached a great milestone. We have great friends and loved ones who have celebrated with us and we're ready to BOOT HER OUT INTO THE WORLD! (HA! JOKE!)
On Monday, I did some session work with Mark Teachey on a project for John Golden. There is nothing in the world like a studio session that goes well. We had a blast. John is open-minded and just kind of let's me "have my way" with a song. Mark has such an incredible ear, so he's already finding the next harmony lines for me and it's just amazing fun to "build a song." Because I'm generally singing lead, I always love it when I get to do background vocals on anyone's project! I love the ranges and the challenges to see what I can bring out of myself.
I have found that it's so satisfying to push yourself just a little harder and see what might come of it. The worst that can happen is that I might realize "a limit." However, in singing, so far, so good. I haven't found a stumped place "yet!"
Lots of times, I relate music to life. We often sell ourselves short and don't go that extra mile or push ourselves that extra inch.
Fear is responsible for that most of the time. Nobody likes to fail, so we stay in that "comfort zone." Putting yourself in front of a microphone in a recording environment will humble you quickly! The recording doesn't lie! So, when a note is flat, pitchy or just plain wrong, you have to be able to listen to your producer, accept constructive criticism and get the job done.
Perhaps God can be addressed in that way. He can be a great producer! You have to listen, accept constructive criticism and know that when things happen (good or bad) there is generally a very good reason for it! Banging your head to get your own way gets pretty silly after a while.
I've been reading a book by Carnegie-Mellon professor Randy Pausch. The book is called "The Last Lecture." It's an incredible story in the here and now and how this gentleman is basically living out the final days of his life. He has pancreatic cancer. But, his determination is amazing. It's not a sad story at all...in fact, it's basically simple lessons and his thoughts on getting the very best you can out of life. He refers a lot to "brick walls" and we never know when we will hit one...yet we must go through them.
You can go on You Tube and see the last lecture. It's worth the download and the hour to watch it. This fellow has really been an inspiration to me of late! I have bought copies of his book and given them to Marah, my mom, and well, about anyone who will take one!
There is a common practice among professors to create "a last lecture." Randy Pausch was asked to do his and at the time he did not know he was ill. His first instinct, after learning of his illness was NOT to do the lecture. His wife really didn't want him to and he was very torn. Long story short, he did the lecture after all and it was incredible. He spoke about living out your dreams and how we truly are never too old to dream.
That's something to ponder isn't it? As my daughter begins her journey of fulfilling dreams and learning the meaning of disappointments and the like...(and yes, the disappointments will come!), I find that I am still quite a dreamer myself. There are all kinds of things I want to do and try. As much as I love everything in the music realm, there are other things that fascinate me. Of course, if you have read this blog long enough, you know I'm all about animals too. We can learn so much from them. But, I'm interested in so many other things that could be hobbies or who knows? I might have some latent talent that I had no idea about!
So, think about time, how it flies and how you have used yours. Have you tried new things? Have you tested unknown waters? Taken any chances lately? If not, trying something new just might be the ticket! Milestones in life don't have to stop just because you graduate, start to raise a family, retire, or the normal courses of action in life! Make time count for something!
Even if it's just a class you always wanted to take or a club you might be interested in...give it a go!
And speaking of time, I'll post again in a day or two..."when I'm older!" ARGH! I think I smell a birthday around the corner for me! And that's a great thing!
Till next time,
Annie

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